Monday, April 08, 2013

Last one, I SWEAR. ...until next month.

One more post about the Diva Cup, as required by The Cult.  Listen, men, I don't know why you insist on reading my blog then freaking out.  I WARNED EVERY ONE OF YOU.

So, 3 blog posts ago, I made everyone swear off Diva Cups forever.  2 blog posts ago, I MAY have convinced 5 of you to try one, making my net Cult worth around -340, according to my blog stats.

To honor The Cult, I will officially endorse using a cup, although I would suggest the Instead Softcup for newbies.  I think that has less of a learning curve than the Diva Cup does.  I'm still having issues with getting it to pop open once it's all the way inserted, so I'm still having leaks and still using one pad per day, although I could get away with a pantiliner.  My pantiliners are on the TOP shelf of the cabinet behind my toilet, you see, and getting them down would just be too much work.  I joined The Cult to enhance my life of leisure, not hamper it.

I think I'll be a bad Cult member in terms of my recruiting.  I think everyone knows by now that I use one, so if they ask me for my opinion, I'll give it to them, but I'm not going to actively recruit.  I will extend a hand of help to new Cult members who ask for help, but I won't be like this freak I had to block on Twitter:

I TOLD you it was a Cult.  (Editor's note: you're only allowed to follow me on Twitter if you are 100% okay with R-rated language and subject matter.  My filter for my online presence goes like Facebook > blog > iMessaging Quentin Tarantino > Twitter.)

Everyone else blocked her too, though, because when I tried to direct people to her timeline (which was  all "CAN I HELP YOU WITH YOUR CUP DUMP NEVER GOING BACK DUMP FLOW MEASUREMENT DUMP DUMP CULLLLTTT") I found this:

Okay, queasy people (MEN).  This is the end for you.  I told you last time to stop reading and some of you kept right on reading and cussed me out and blamed me for appetite failures.  I'm telling you, don't go ahead this time.  I'm only writing the next part because a few people identified with the *shuddergag* part, and I'm going to talk about the *shuddergag* again.  

It is veeerrrrryyyy nice not having to wipe away *shuddergag*.  I have alternating months of heaviness - one month will be "YAY WOMANHOOD" and the next month will be "am I dying?"  It's like one of my ovaries is releasing extra-special eggs that my uterus is angrily letting go.  Although I haven't been measuring my "flow" during my "dumps" (I'm not even looking, FREAK), my cramps have let me know that this is an angry month.  So in addition to the pleasantness of not feeling the *shuddergag* leave my body and wanting to run screaming to the shower to get it off me, it's very nice not having to wipe several times because it just all comes out in the cup.  To be fair, I imagine that's also a benefit of using tampons, but I have never used tampons during an entire period because I hate them and don't really know what it's like.  

It's gotten very easy for me to get in and out, and I don't think the time spent getting it out, rinsing it, and putting it back in is any longer than taking a pad off, unwrapping a new one, putting it on, and throwing the old one away, although I don't have to empty the cup as often as I change a pad.  I'll keep trying to get it right so I don't have leaks, and if the Diva Cup doesn't quite work again for me next month, I'll try the Instead Softcups.  So for cycle 1 in The Cult, I am a pleased member.

1 comment:

Allison said...

OMG. I started using the Nuvaring contraceptive last year and my OB told me "You've got to be really comfortable with your vajayjay (yes she used that term) to use this."

And I thought I WAS comfortable with my vajayjay.

But apparently, we're still "just friends" compared to you and yours.

You have my respect - but I ain't joining the cult. Me and tampax get along JUUUUSTT fine.