Ace "reads" on the toilet

Freakin' adorable.



I had to do this via spy cam since he won't read on camera if he knows it's there.

A little over a month later...

We had Ace's birthday party on May 30th this year, 3 years to the day after I went to the hospital when my water broke when SOMEBODY decided he'd come early. In past years, Ace's birthday has been kinda sad for me because of all the bad memories associated with the date. It's not an easy thing to deliver a child prematurely.



















My little 3-pound weakling.

I'm glad to say that this year, there were no sad feelings. I guess they've subsided, making way for only happy feelings to surround his birthday. The trauma remains, but it's quite minor.

So we got this huge water slide for the party. Ace LOVES slides, and he LOVES swimming, so I thought this would just make his doggone day.

He went down once...






















He went down twice...

















He seemed to enjoy it...
















But then he completely outright refused to go down the slide anymore. That's okay, though... there were a TON of kids there, and I have like 20 pictures of various kids with their legs all in the air coming down the slide. Pretty cute stuff.


There was cake. Galen wanted cake.























Ace liked his cake.

















Ace liked a LOT of his cake. He got 3 pieces and kept asking for more. I cut him off when he started twitching though, since I'm a mean mommy.























My Meme knows how to party, son. Y'all already know she's gangsta.


















We asked for donations to Ace's school in lieu of gifts because a) the school needs money, b) Ace NEVER EVER EVER plays with the toys he has and 3) I didn't want to clean up around more toys. We wound up raising $400! Still, some nice people thought Ace needed some presents, and I'm glad they did, because as soon as he saw the birthday party decorations, he started asking for presents.

















My mom quickly became enamored with Guitar Hero. I knew she'd like it. And yes, she's got a fire truck tattoo on her neck. That's a dedicated grandmother. My big sister is giggling in the background, cuz she knows how to get down on Guitar Hero too. I can't wait to dominate the world with these two on Rock Band.
























The next day, I decided to put on my party hat and shave the boy's head. He wasn't too happy about it at first, but he got used to it.
































Then the actual day of his birthday came. He got some schwag from his great-grandmother and from his teacher, and was feeling pretty confident about it.


















He got himself some ice cream.

















Got himself a tricycle. As soon as he climbed on, he said "A MOTORCYCLE!"
















I can't believe my baby is three years old.

Yeah, it's better than that.

I have somehow contracted a case of the poison ivy. It started on my arms and has since migrated to my chest, legs, and stomach. It is really, really itchy. I found where the vine is in my back yard and have no recollection of ever being near it. I think Nimbus brought it inside. Like his days weren't already numbered. I hate that cat.

During an especially intense period of itchy desperation, I begged people on Twitter and Facebook for their favorite at-home remedies for poison ivy rashes. I got a bunch of pretty good suggestions. Bought some new cream, ground up some oatmeal for oatmeal baths, etc. I can't really say anything has worked.

However, your friend and mine, watercolor (washesofcolor.blogspot.com since I'm on my phone and don't feel like htmling), suggested I get the shower as hot as I can stand it and then run the water over the rashes.

I have become convinced that doing this is a sin because it feels just that good. I am taking roughly 3 showers every day at this point. When the water hits my rashes, it's like the best feeling in the world, times ten. Imagine the best physical sensation that can possibly be achieved by the human body. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, we're all adults here, and at this point, I think it's even better than that. I'm standing in the shower shaking my leg like a dog getting its belly rubbed. Moaning. Saying "thank you" to no one in particular. I even throw a "yes, God" in there from time to time.

I'm telling y'all, if you ever happen to be unlucky enough to contract poison ivy, never fear. Running hot water over it almost makes the whole thing worthwhile.

I think I'm finally starting to get it, but I want y'all's opinions. Easy question, no big deal:

Why do you think bad things happen to good people?

*tap tap* is this thing on?

Hey y'all... yeah, I'm still alive. Now it's time to play catch up.

I graduated from my treatment program on Thursday! I am very happy about it and very proud of myself. I have learned so much and now I feel like I have the tools to face life without sinking into another depression. Plus, I've discovered my passion for photography and discovered a real confidence that I AM a good photographer. I have set a goal for myself to take 10 pictures every single day, and I'm going to start a photography blog eventually. In addition to that new confidence, I've told myself that I am not totally opposed to getting pregnant again in the future. I want to get to a more healthy place in my life first, but I'm actually considering it. Eventually.

One major change that you can actually see is my 30-pound weight loss. I'm pretty dang stoked about that. Here are some pictures of me kinda before and after. The first one is stolen from vipjacksonmag.com (THAT'S RIGHT Y'ALL I WAS IN VIP).















And this is from last weekend.














A 30-pound weight loss is freakin' amazing. I don't feel my gut all over the place now, my pants are falling off of me (okay, so that's not good), I'm finally fitting into an XL shirt... I wish everyone who is trying to lose weight would see a dietitian instead of trying weird diets they know they won't stick to for the rest of their lives. My dietitian has a blog, by the way, go check it out!

One major thing that's helped me with the weight loss is facing my feelings instead of eating them. Y'all don't know this, but I was just eating constantly and eating anything I wanted to eat. Any time I had any feelings... anger, sadness, happiness, anything... I would eat. This is not healthy at all. I have committed to myself to not eat emotionally anymore, because it starts a big downward spiral for me to stuff my feelings down till I'm completely out of control.

Now, in the interest of actually catching y'all up on what's been going on in my life, I'll tell y'all what we did for the memorial weekend for our daughter.

First, I went and got a tattoo.



















Got a little work done on the angel, but the heart is new.

And then, Drew and I planted a lemon tree.




















I can't wait to watch the lemon tree grow, and I can't wait to thank my daughter for every lemon we get from the tree.

I finally feel as though I've mourned her and laid her to rest. Finally having a memorial service for her was a huge point of closure for me.

So there ya go. I'll stop here, but the next post will be very picture heavy. All about Ace's birthday!

Drew: "Ace, what are you supposed to say when you fart?"
Ace: "GOOD LORD!"

I may actually die of laughter.

what happened next...

So my family doctor finally saw me, talked to me about my symptoms, then started doing some weird neuro tests. Squeeze my hands, push away, pull towards you, stuff like that. Then she put her thumbs on either side of my forehead and said "does this feel the same on both sides?" "No." On my cheeks? No. On my chin? No. "Huh," said the doctor. "You will need to see a neurologist." While I was mostly worried that my doctor had just said "huh," I expressed concern that the wait for a neurologist would be months, and I can't really live with these symptoms much longer. "Nah," she said, "she might be able to work you in this afternoon."

Sure enough, she got me an appointment for 1pm. She said she thought my symptoms were due to the higher dosage of bipolar meds. That made me nervous because under no circumstances do I want to quit them. After a quick lunch at home, I went to the neurologist's office. After she asked me 75 questions, she agreed that it was likely the higher dose of bipolar meds causing blood not to circulate to my brain properly. Also made me nervous because ACK BRAIN.

Off she sent me to get an MRI. I sat in that big loud sucker for 25 minutes. Let me tell y'all, that was a strange experience. Nothing like tv, where it goes "chunk chunk chunk chunk..." It was more like "chunk chunk BUZZ HONK AK AK AK AK AK AK AK AK AAAKKKKKKK BUUUZZZZZZ chunk chunk HEEEEENNNKKK buzz HONK." Once again, Grey's Anatomy skews my reality. Sigh. Well then, after the 25 minutes, the nurse tried to put contrast in my arm and blows two of my veins. Not one, y'all, TWO. She tried a third time and got it right, but I have a wicked bump there right now so something must be wrong. After royally effing up my veins, I was stuffed back into the tube of very loud doom for another 5 minutes. Then, with many bandaids on my arm, I left the hospital and came home, but not before a quick run to Sonic for a diet cherry limeade. Mmmm.

Although nearly every second of my day sucked 100% before I got home, my day was made a milionty times better when I got home because my cousin, with whom I've grown up and formed a very close bond, was there with his wife, who I've never met but have spoken to many times on the phone and with whom I get along famously. I was so excited that they were at my house. I still am very excited. Actually, I should go to sleep since I'm makng them a nice healthy breakfast in the morning.

Pardon typos... It's not easy to type on my phone and I'm very sleepy!

Well shucks. I saw my psychiatrist this morning at my treatment center and told him about my symptoms. He said "That's not normal," then called my family doctor personally, since he apparently knows her from way back, and asked if she could work me in. So I've been sitting in the waiting room for half an hour waiting to be worked in. I really hope I'm seen soon, since I am, if I'm being honest, a little concerned for myself here. My symptoms haven't gone away... I still have a weird headache and numbness and extreme dizziness and blah blah blah.

I'll keep y'all updated.