Saturday, April 16, 2016


This is the last time.
This is the end.
I'm in the fucking hospital again.
My life is over. Thank God.
I'm sorry Ace. You deserve better. Goodbye.
I'm sorry Mom. I'm done disappointing you.
Goodbye to my husband. I still love you.
Goodbye to my siblings. My dads. My best friend.
Goodbye to my partner.
I love you all. You'll all be free soon.
I'm finished. I'm never doing this again.

I'll go to Illinois. Whatever.
It's a place to stay. Free food.
Wait, I'm not getting kicked out. Like everywhere else.
I'm safe here. I'm warm. I'm needed. I'm loved.
I'm vulnerable. I'm feeling. I'm listening.
I'm learning. I'm inspired.
One is too many, a thousand is never enough.

I'm an addict.
I'm an addict.
I'm sick. But I can be free.
Goodbye alcohol.
Goodbye pills.
Goodbye self-hate.
Goodbye codependency.
Goodbye days of no laughter. No human contact.

I'm sorry Ace. You do deserve better.
I am better.
I'm sorry Mom. I'm done disappointing you. I promise.
Thank you for not giving up.
I miss my siblings. My dads. My best friend.
I'll make it all up to you. I love you.
You're free because I'm free.
Goodbye to my husband. Hello co-parent, friend.
I love you. Thank you for saving my life.
Goodbye to my partner. I won't ever forget you.
But we're done.

Today is for me.
Tomorrow is for me.
Today I will stay sober.
Goodbye to my yesterdays.
Thank you Timberline Knolls.
Thank you God.
Thank you Higher Power.
My life isn't over. It's complete.

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