Friday, October 31, 2008

it's not stopping

Do y'all remember when I blogged in April about Ace's brat bruise? Well, this "phase" has just taken a very, very ugly turn.

When my son is told "no," or has something taken away from him, he can turn from perfectly pleasant child to a rage-filled monster. If that thing is given back to him (I'll explain in a moment), the switch is flipped off.

This morning, his physical therapist dared to make him do physical therapy. Nothing too difficult, just having him stand up from a crawling position. Every time she'd make him do it, he freaked out. At one point, he started smacking his face against the ground. She asked me if he did that all the time and I said "for at least six months" and she seemed surprised. Mind you, she's worked with children for over 30 years. She isn't surprised by much.

How did it take a turn for the ugly, you ask? He started making the "ouch" cry instead of the "I'm a turd" cry, and I looked at him and realized he'd actually bloodied his own nose. He smacked his head on the ground so hard that he bloodied his nose. He fell face-first off the bed once and didn't bloody his nose.

Later, I took him by my mom's office in his costume (pictures to come) and she gave him bubbles. When I went to put him in the car, I took the bubbles away from him so I could buckle him in, fully intending to give them back and telling him "I'll give them right back" and his whole body stiffened up, he started screaming, and smacked himself repeatedly in the face. When I finally wrestled him into his car seat, I gave him back the bubbles and he stopped immediately and said "thank you, Mama."

I don't care what anyone says, this is not normal. This is not a phase. This is disturbing behavior.

Before I had a child, I thought that saying no and not giving in when a child wants something would prevent this kind of behavior. They would know that no means no, so escalating wouldn't do anything for them. This has not worked for my son.

I'm a little scared because preemies have a much higher propensity for behavioral issues than full-term children. His physical issues are really no big deal. Seriously. Behavioral issues? THAT will be a whole nother story. Behavioral issues mean drugs and a whole lot more patience than I have. People judge you for your child's behavioral issues. I will throw poop at their heads. I have behavioral issues too.


HEATHER said...

Honestly honey, for him to be able to turn it off SO fast like that and say "thank you mama", that really says its a strong will issue. I have been reading Dr. Dobson's Strong Willed Child. I highly recommend you get it. I have seen children with rage disorder and trust me, they don't turn it off like that. It takes them HOURS and much screaming to calm down. It is awful to see.
I almost threw out Dr. Dobson's book when I was reading the part about him getting a belt after his daschund, because I am not down with that at all-it's an animal, put it in a crate. But I digress, you have got to remember Ace is fussed over by EVERYONE(rightly so-he's beautiful), everywhere he goes and he turns on the charm. This therapist is challenging him, and he doesn't like it. After all he is only two years old-they don't call it the terrible twos for nothing!
Dr. Dobson writes about God giving these children a strong will for a reason, that they are going to face some challenge in life and that same strong will, is what will help them to survive.
Stacey, you know he has to have a strong will, otherwise he wouldn't even be alive at this point after being born so early.
Please read Dr. Dobson's book. I really think it will open your eyes. He talks about one couple whose daughter was so strong willed that the couple would go into the child's bedroom at night and lay their hands on her and pray for the Lord to help them tame and cope with her.
I don't need to tell you that I have been doing that with Paddy;-).
Sorry to be so long. I really think he will be ok. ((HUGS))

Jennifer said...

We have been having some of this type of thing over here, too--I might blog about it...or just MySpace message you.

Bird said...

I've heard about that book that Heather recommended. My friends had a daughter that was speech-delayed, and she went through a really rough time because she couldn't communicate and wanted to. I think the book helped.

I've never worked with younger children, but from a teacher's perspective, usually things like a abuse, negelect, and drug use cause the really violent kids. Even if Ace does have "behavioral issues," I would bet that they can be handled appropriately.

Watercolor said...

I have no advice or ideas, just hugs. So, hug!! You know your child better than anyone. Do what you think you need to do for your peace of mind and for Ace. hugs!!

dhcoop said...

It's been a very long time since I've had any real dealings with a small child, but what heather says makes sense about the strong willed child thing. I think if you were facing true behavioral issues, he would not be able to turn it off that quickly and say thank you.


Jen said...

oh Sh!T! Sounds like some of what my cousin went through with the 2 year old she has.. He was speech delayed(hearing impaired, corrected with tubes) & he would bang his head like that. I mean throw a total dang fit THEN when he would finally get over it. I don't know what she did but it was corrected.

Hang inthere.. Ive heard good things on that book HEather talked about.