I have done a remarkably good job of surrounding myself with people over the past 4 years. I've built up some 400 friends on Facebook. I'm up to 1200+ followers on Twitter. I am never alone unless I want to be. That's by design, you see, since I have a deathly fear of being alone - it comes from the very vivid memory of waking up in a foster home realizing neither of my parents really wanted me. People are my addiction. I want to be surrounded by people at all times. I HATE being alone.
Fact is, those thousand plus people I've surrounded myself with aren't my friends. They're acquaintances. I trust most of them very little, since the last time I put my full trust in a friend she completely tore my heart out and shit on it. I'll never trust anyone the same way again. And that's okay.
My life boils down to the three people I can trust with anything. My husband. My big sister. My best friend of 13 years. They are my best friends. They are my only true friends. If I lost everyone else in my life but them, that would be okay. I love the rest of my family and I really like a lot of the people I've hoarded over the past few years, even though I fully trust none of them. But full trust? Only those 3.
Which makes me a pretty lonely person overall, doesn't it?
3 weeks ago