My daily commute takes me on 3 big thoroughfares - Highway 80 through Brandon and Pearl, Highway 475 through Pearl and Flowood, and Lakeland Drive through Flowood and Jackson. I am keenly aware of other drivers on those streets, and I unfortunately think I've fallen into a stereotype pattern when it comes to classifying which drivers to fall behind if I want to go at or above the speed limit. ...okay, above. I go above the speed limit. Sorry.
Here's a fairly comprehensive list of vehicles I want to be behind on my commute, from fastest to slowest.
1. Minivans or large/expensive SUVs, bonus if there are stick-figure families on the back window. Usually driven by a mom who is late to something, somewhere.
2. Flashy big trucks with a bunch of after-market gear and product stickers. NOT ol' Bubba trucks, but new trucks with, like, extra pipes and stuff.
3. Your major sports cars - Camaros, Challengers, Corvettes. Why 3rd on the list? They're kind of a crap shoot - some people are apparently a little afraid of the power under their butts and keep it in 3rd gear. Cryin' shame if you ask me.
4. Comcast vans. Seriously. I defy you to find me a Comcast van that goes below the speed limit.
5. Mid-range sedans, SUVs, Fiats.
6. Anyone on a cell phone or smoking a cigarette. Their minds are otherwise occupied, and they don't really care about the speed limit.
7. Anyone from Attala County. I'm sure they're very nice people, but they lock down in terror as soon as they hit Lakeland Drive on their way to Jackson to visit Aunt Myrtle at the Baptist.
8. A dump truck filled with boulders.
9. A turtle.
10. ANYONE DRIVING A BUICK. Young, old, in between, whatever. Getting behind a Buick means I'm coasting anywhere between 5-10 miles below the speed limit, 95% of the time. I think somewhere in the fine print when leasing a Buick, there's a provision that if you go above 40 miles per hour, your interest rate goes up half a percent.
At least in Jackson we're not totally overrun with aggressive drivers - the people of Mississippi are too polite for that. Check out my cousin's series of dashcam videos from the Washington, D.C. metro.
3 weeks ago