Dear women of the civilized world:
Please, for the love of all that is holy, and for the love of all that is not holy, and for Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny, and for me, please, please STOP HOVERING OVER THE TOILET SEAT. If I see one more toilet seat delicately sprinkled with your freakin' urine, I will track you down and make you go clean it up. You are disgusting.
Yes, toilet seats are gross. DO NOT LICK A TOILET SEAT. If you don't lick the toilet seat, it is VERY unlikely you will contract any diseases from a toilet seat. And what exactly do you think you would get from sitting on a toilet seat, anyway? An STD? Yes, if someone with open butt sores sits on a toilet seat and you somehow manage to sit on the same toilet seat within like 5 seconds of them, AND YOU ALSO HAVE OPEN BUTT SORES, you might catch something from a toilet seat.
Although, if you have open butt sores, I, personally, want to ask you to just go ahead and stay home. You don't want any... seepage. Or something. Just stay at home and air that stuff out.
Seriously, I am a big fat germophobe and I know that sitting on a toilet seat won't mean I'm walking away with the clap. However, when I see pee on the doggone toilet, I have to make the decision to either clean it up myself, which, um, no thanks, or go against EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN and hover myself. I usually go for the former, because my thighs are not quite hover-ready.
STOOPPPPP MAKING ME CLEAN UP YOUR PEE, YOU DISGUSTING WENCHES.
4 weeks ago