So I'm going through this whole mind transformation, right? A couple of weeks ago, someone suggested a full-body cleanse to me. Said it'd clean my skin, liver, kidneys, and bowels (yum!). Lots of toxins in all of those areas, you see. Well, I don't want toxins. "Toxins" sound like "toxic," and toxic means bad, right y'all? I thought, what the heck. I'm cleaning up my brain, let's do a little Spring cleaning of my organs. Sounds like a spiffy idea.
So off to my local health-foods store I went. "Take these for 30 days - one in the morning and one at night - with a balanced diet. You may experience some mild nausea, but that's the toxins getting out of your system. Drink plenty of water and it'll go away," said the be-dreaded super hippy supplements guy. So happily, I plunked down $30 for these pills.
I started Monday, and within hours realized it was a total sham. Something in those pills causes serious dehydration, and guess what cleanses your skin, liver, kidneys, and bowels? Water. And water is really, really cheap. I drank 5 liters of water that first day.
Did I stop when I came to the realization that I'd been had? Heeeeeck no! I paid $30 for this crap, no way was I gonna throw it away.
I really, really should have.
Today, I was talking to Ace's babysitter and suddenly realized I was very near fainting and/or barfing. I managed to keep it together, but have felt absolutely terrible the rest of today. Drew sweetly pointed out that I look "puffy" and he's right. My chin and jaw are all puffed out and huge. If this is what it feels like to have toxins flushed from my body, I like my toxins just where they are, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
So kids, take it from your old Aunt Stacey. Full-body cleanses are a total sham. Drink plenty of water, eat your fruits and veggies, and throw some Cheerios in there, and you'll never miss "cleansing."
Shoot, even if your diet is a steady intake of Burger King, lard out of the can, and Mountain Dew, you still shouldn't do a cleanse. They are nonsense. Don't do it.
4 weeks ago