So I've had a craptastic week. My first ride in an ambulance, 2 visits in the ER, 1 stay in a psych ward, and nearly 0 sleep.
It all started last week. Remember when I blogged that I'd had literally no sleep the night before? Well, I went to the doctor that same day and said, basically, something's gotta give. I've been sick for 6 months, this depression isn't lifting, and I'm sleeping for crap. She gave me a sample of 2 Ambien pills to make me sleep, a prescription for Cymbalta to anti-depress me, and a referral to an allergy clinic.
The Cymbalta kept me from sleeping completely. I'd fall asleep just fine, but then I'd be basically tossing and turning all night. Tuesday of this week, I called the doctor again and I was all "dude, not sleeping" and she was all "o rly? Try the Ambien again" and I was all "dude, good idea."
Tuesday night, I hallucinated all night. The Cymbalta was still doing its no-sleep job but the Ambien was trying its best... I was having waking dreams. At one point, I told Drew that God told me to cut off all my hair and went into the bathroom and grabbed some scissors. Dude, not cool.
So I called the doctor again and was all "yeah, I'm bordering on crazy" and she was all "you should probably stop the Cymbalta" and I was all "okay, but how bout those hallucinations" and she was all "yeah, you should probably hit St. Dominic's emergency room for a psychiatric evaluation" and I was all "bwuh???"
So I went, and was admitted overnight for observation and so they could make me sleep. I was given what's called a Haldol push, where I get Haldol, Benadryl, and Ativan. I was given that at about 11pm, then woken up promptly at 6am so my blood could be taken. Then I woke up at 7am for vitals. Then 7:30 for breakfast. I saw a shrink at about 2 or so and he was all "dang, your hallucinations were probably just a reaction to your medicine, you can go home pretty much... but here's some Lamictal for depression. If you get a rash, stop taking it" and I was all "kay, I really wanna go home and sleep." I was discharged at around 4.
I took my first Lamictal on Friday. I had an appointment at 3 to see a lady for an assessment for an outpatient day program for depression treatment and while I was there, my throat was all "so yeah, I'm gonna close up now" and I was all "hey, I'm Marlon Brando with a sinus infection." I totally couldn't talk, and couldn't breathe at all through my nose. So an ambulance was called.
The ER doctor was a complete dick. He gave me a shot of epinephrine, ordered an x-ray of my throat, monitored my oxygen levels and blood pressure, and looked in my throat and nose, and decided it was all in my head. In fact, he said as much. "I think that your symptoms are not entirely physiological," then he pointed at his head. When he walked out, I flipped him off and called him a "jackass" right in front of my mother, which you don't do, man.
I was discharged. Meanwhile, I'm completely bugging out because of the epinephrine. I've got muscle spasms in my face and going down my neck and back - my neck is getting cramps and I'm having to keep my hands on my face so it'll stop twitching. AND MY THROAT IS STILL CLOSING UP AND I STILL CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE.
I got home and took a muscle relaxer and some Benadryl and WHAT DO YOU KNOW MY THROAT OPENED RIGHT UP. But it was all in my head. Shoot.
I've decided that the whole episode was a reaction to the Lamictal, but I'm going to have a chat with the psychiatrist at St. D's tomorrow just for validation. That has NEVER happened to me before, ever, and it just decided to happen right after I take Lamictal? That's no coincidence.
This is the 5th anti-depressant I've taken in my life... I've had negative reactions to all of them. I'm not talking something mildly annoying, I'm talking stuff that screws with my life. Anti-depressants may not work for me.
In any event, I'm all in one piece. My mother has been with me through every last minute of this, and all of my friends who were in the know have been so supportive. I feel the love, man. My friend Cindy put herself through hell on Thursday so Drew and my mom could go to work while I was in the nut ward. (Watching two 2-year-olds at once is what I consider hell, I don't know about y'all.) My week reached a very high point last night when I sat down to watch "Twilight" with Black Betty, Alice, and Alice's sister and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I vow to watch all of my movies with them from now on.
I don't know what my future holds, but I'm a little scared. I rescheduled my botched meeting for my assessment for the day program for tomorrow, and my allergy clinic appointment is Wednesday. Ace is still on Spring Break for 2 more weeks! Operation Show Ace A Really Good Time While He's On Spring Break has failed so far, but I'm going to make it a point to go to the park at least once and the Natural Science Museum at least once this week. Also, Thursday, we're going to Pump It Up with his play group and that promises to be a good time.
Thanks to all of y'all who have been in the know about this, and all of y'all who haven't been in the know but have still expressed concern because I disappeared from blogs, facebook, twitter, and texts. I'm gonna go make some breakfast.
1 month ago