Sunday, March 22, 2009

My week...

So I've had a craptastic week. My first ride in an ambulance, 2 visits in the ER, 1 stay in a psych ward, and nearly 0 sleep.

It all started last week. Remember when I blogged that I'd had literally no sleep the night before? Well, I went to the doctor that same day and said, basically, something's gotta give. I've been sick for 6 months, this depression isn't lifting, and I'm sleeping for crap. She gave me a sample of 2 Ambien pills to make me sleep, a prescription for Cymbalta to anti-depress me, and a referral to an allergy clinic.

The Cymbalta kept me from sleeping completely. I'd fall asleep just fine, but then I'd be basically tossing and turning all night. Tuesday of this week, I called the doctor again and I was all "dude, not sleeping" and she was all "o rly? Try the Ambien again" and I was all "dude, good idea."

Tuesday night, I hallucinated all night. The Cymbalta was still doing its no-sleep job but the Ambien was trying its best... I was having waking dreams. At one point, I told Drew that God told me to cut off all my hair and went into the bathroom and grabbed some scissors. Dude, not cool.

So I called the doctor again and was all "yeah, I'm bordering on crazy" and she was all "you should probably stop the Cymbalta" and I was all "okay, but how bout those hallucinations" and she was all "yeah, you should probably hit St. Dominic's emergency room for a psychiatric evaluation" and I was all "bwuh???"

So I went, and was admitted overnight for observation and so they could make me sleep. I was given what's called a Haldol push, where I get Haldol, Benadryl, and Ativan. I was given that at about 11pm, then woken up promptly at 6am so my blood could be taken. Then I woke up at 7am for vitals. Then 7:30 for breakfast. I saw a shrink at about 2 or so and he was all "dang, your hallucinations were probably just a reaction to your medicine, you can go home pretty much... but here's some Lamictal for depression. If you get a rash, stop taking it" and I was all "kay, I really wanna go home and sleep." I was discharged at around 4.

I took my first Lamictal on Friday. I had an appointment at 3 to see a lady for an assessment for an outpatient day program for depression treatment and while I was there, my throat was all "so yeah, I'm gonna close up now" and I was all "hey, I'm Marlon Brando with a sinus infection." I totally couldn't talk, and couldn't breathe at all through my nose. So an ambulance was called.

The ER doctor was a complete dick. He gave me a shot of epinephrine, ordered an x-ray of my throat, monitored my oxygen levels and blood pressure, and looked in my throat and nose, and decided it was all in my head. In fact, he said as much. "I think that your symptoms are not entirely physiological," then he pointed at his head. When he walked out, I flipped him off and called him a "jackass" right in front of my mother, which you don't do, man.

I was discharged. Meanwhile, I'm completely bugging out because of the epinephrine. I've got muscle spasms in my face and going down my neck and back - my neck is getting cramps and I'm having to keep my hands on my face so it'll stop twitching. AND MY THROAT IS STILL CLOSING UP AND I STILL CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE.

I got home and took a muscle relaxer and some Benadryl and WHAT DO YOU KNOW MY THROAT OPENED RIGHT UP. But it was all in my head. Shoot.

I've decided that the whole episode was a reaction to the Lamictal, but I'm going to have a chat with the psychiatrist at St. D's tomorrow just for validation. That has NEVER happened to me before, ever, and it just decided to happen right after I take Lamictal? That's no coincidence.

This is the 5th anti-depressant I've taken in my life... I've had negative reactions to all of them. I'm not talking something mildly annoying, I'm talking stuff that screws with my life. Anti-depressants may not work for me.

In any event, I'm all in one piece. My mother has been with me through every last minute of this, and all of my friends who were in the know have been so supportive. I feel the love, man. My friend Cindy put herself through hell on Thursday so Drew and my mom could go to work while I was in the nut ward. (Watching two 2-year-olds at once is what I consider hell, I don't know about y'all.) My week reached a very high point last night when I sat down to watch "Twilight" with Black Betty, Alice, and Alice's sister and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I vow to watch all of my movies with them from now on.

I don't know what my future holds, but I'm a little scared. I rescheduled my botched meeting for my assessment for the day program for tomorrow, and my allergy clinic appointment is Wednesday. Ace is still on Spring Break for 2 more weeks! Operation Show Ace A Really Good Time While He's On Spring Break has failed so far, but I'm going to make it a point to go to the park at least once and the Natural Science Museum at least once this week. Also, Thursday, we're going to Pump It Up with his play group and that promises to be a good time.

Thanks to all of y'all who have been in the know about this, and all of y'all who haven't been in the know but have still expressed concern because I disappeared from blogs, facebook, twitter, and texts. I'm gonna go make some breakfast.


Laurie said...

I totally feel you, my dear. This runs in my family - your description is totally what my brother went through in college (minus the husband and child ;). Thankfully my bro's body could handle the meds, so he's been on them for almost 20 years, now, and doing well. There are alot more out there to try - just sucks being the guinea pig :(. Hang in there with the med trials - you'll get there and this will be a tiny blip in your past. Good for empathizin' with folks.

As for Ace - he's 2 and doesn't know what Spring Break is, for heavens sakes! He has fun doing what mom does - he'll be fine! Don't flog yourself with that one!! Bring crayons and snacks to your group meeting, and he'll be over the moon ;)!

Dr. Wifey said...

OMG sweets! i am so sorry you have been through all that! you are more than welcome to send Ace my way for his spring break :) seriously, wish i lived closer so i could help you out on that end of it all. hope the docs are able to get your meds straightened out soon.

Sharon said...

Wow!!! What a week! It all makes sense now, thinking about your Twitter updates.

Hallucinating sucks. Percocet did that to me. Frickin had me scared to death.

I hope thy can find something that will help you best soon. I'm sorry it's been so rough!
Hugs & prayers, girl.

What?! said...

awww, boo, *tear* I'm sorry life seems to/sucks so bad right now, but this too shall pass if we have to watch 50 movies a week BB & Alice style!!! ha! Thank you for coming! We enjoyed you...and those damn cookies!

Sandi said...

My goodness girl. That's terrible!

HEATHER said...

Good LAWD! You have had a rough time! Stacey, I am going to wager that the biggest part of your problems are allergy related! Do whatever it takes to keep your allergy appointment! Allergies can cause you to be depressed and overly emotional as well in additon to insomnia. Since allergies are an auto-immune response they can effect every part of your body-including your mental state.
I will add you to my prayers.
Love ya!

Watercolor said...

Hugs hon. The drugs just don't work for some people. My friend B is one of them. She gets weird reactions like you do. Do you see a therapist regularly? (That is rhetorical, not something to answer.... lol, it isn't any of my business) That can be very helpful for some things. Not everything, though.

You may need to talk to a psychiatrist (not just your regular doc) about what you have taken so they'll know what classes of drugs you've tried and what classes of drugs you haven't tried. And they may be able to suggest some homeopathic options. I can get you names if you need them. I know some very good ones and am best friends with someone who knows at least about all of them in town to probably give a good recommendation.

And agree, allergies could be triggering a lot of this. You just feel crappy from it all. Zyrtec is available over the counter now and it is one of my godsend drugs. I also take singulair and flonase. Together, they make me whole, lol.

In the meantime, don't worry about being the perfect mom. There is no such thing. You are a GREAT mom and Ace is two and so his screaming has to do with THAT and not YOU. :) You take care of you. At two, Ace doesn't need the best spring break ever. In fact, he probably never does, so I recommend taking that expectation off your plate. Hugs!!!

Love you.

Christine the Soccer Mom said...

I'm so sorry, Stacey. Know that I remembered you at Mass last night and do so every time I'm there.

Melinda Barton said...

Damn, girl! You had me worried. I can't imagine what you've been going through, well, except the hallucinations.

I had severe insomnia in high school and they gave me ambien. Same hallucinations. Not very supportive family. Instead of getting me help they decided to play with my hallucations. Not funny.

Anyway, I'm glad you're doing a little better. And I'm praying that all works out.

Melinda said...

Oh Stacey. Your poor body, being pumped through with all of those drugs (to fix problems caused by other drugs...). And what an asshole doc. Nice bedside manner - so glad he's making six figures.

Anyway: blech. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hoping you'll feel better soon, on all fronts.

i'm black betty said...

"run, deer!!! cause you bout ta DIE!!!!"

i had a blast with you, too. let me know how everything works out. if you need doctor names, etc., please let me know. love you. mean it.

Lauren said...

Wow, that's a heck of a week. And here I was throwing myself a pity party for having to work on Saturday, while you living la vida Britney for several days. At least Drew stopped you before you shaved your head. :)

I agree with the previous comments that allergies will mess with you more than you realize, so I'd say focus on getting that straightened out first.

It sounds like antidepressants are not for you, so maybe it's time to try non-drug remedies. Personally, now that I'm off the pill (which for many years was the great emotional regulator), I'm using regular exercise to keep myself from falling into depression. It takes some discipline, because when you feel crappy the last thing you think you want to do is go exercise, but it helps every time. Some people are all about the yoga and meditation for mental health, but I'm a big believer in cardio and/or weight training for bad days. Exercising until I'm exhausted leaves me no energy for anger, frustration, anxiety or stress, and it helps me sleep.

Waterfall said...

Holy moly. Poor you. Lamictal is bad stuff (IMO). I was on it once for about a week and it seriously messed up my system. As a fellow visitor at the antidepressant buffet, I am sympathizing with you. It was years before I could find the right combo of antidepressant and sleep meds. Even then, it doesn't always work. It helps to have a good support system of family and friends, which you clearly have. Here's an e-hug for you: {{{{CUZ}}}}

Erin Steele (previously Domeyer) said...

((Hugs))I hope you find something that works for you! It sucks when you feel like crap and no one understands or can figure out a way to help!! I would be going nuts (not literally)if i was you too! I hate not being able to sleep..that would suck! Wish i was closer..i actaully love being around a room of two year olds(: Get better soon..

K Storm said...

Girl, I sure hope you are feeling better soon. Meds can really mess with you. I have heard strange things about Ambien. I had a friend that took it and when she woke up found evidence that she ate a tremendous amount of food in her kitchen. Hope the right treatments will be found soon.

Emily said...

Oh man, sorry you've been going through all this! I wish we still lived down the street to help you out some! Hopefully things will return to normal soon. Let me know if we can help any. I'll keep you in the regular prayers! Ace will be so happy just so get to see Mom a little more than usual... so don't stress about that!!

Kayra said...

Wow. *hugs to you* I'll be praying for you.

Susan said...

Dang girl. I hope you find a doc that's not a moron. Hugs and prayers.

Nicole Bradshaw said...

Love you, babe.

Let me know when you want to schedule that doctor's ass-kicking. I am SOOO there. I'll bring the camera this time.

From the Doghouse said...

That's the deal with medicine - of any kind - you never know how the side effects will hit you. And when you're dealing with other stuff on top of it, it just makes it worse.

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and getting things checked on. Glad you still have your hair too.

As for Ace; spring break is being out of school. Everything else is just gravy.

mayberry said...

Whoa. Dude. Ok, so my kid's head lice situation now takes a total backseat. =)

Please please PLEASE let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help you through. I'm not just saying that ok? You know how to reach me.

RhondaLue said...

Yikes girl..I'm feeling pretty darn lucky for my health issues right now. The hallucination must've scared Drews pants off as well as your own. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

My meds make me twitch but just in 2-3 places and although annoying I can handle it. I'll be glad for that minor side effect I guess. Also Ativan acts like a baby smartie to me. Doesnt' do a darn thing or at least not till I double up on the dose (with Drs advice) and then it just knocks me out. My dad got WHACKED on Ativan. He was hallucinating and totally out. of. his. ever. loving. mind. It's so interesting how meds affect everyone SO differently.

Feel better. I'll be thinking of you and good luck at all of your appts. I hope they go well but mostly I hope they're PRODUCTIVe so you can get on with your life!

Crawdaddy79 said...

At least it didn't rain all week.

dhcoop said...

Holy crap!! (((hugs))) I hope you get it all figured out soon!

mrs. misenar said...

i am glad to hear that you are doing better. keep us posted!

Bird said...

People have left you some great ideas here and I'd like to second the regular exercise thing. Depression is my family's nemesis and the most effective thing for it is exercise--plus, it may help you sleep at night.

Also, I'd like to say that Zyrtec is pretty awesome and it didn't give me hangovers like everything else out there.

You'll figure this out!

Supermom said...

damn, girl!
hope you get some real answers and solutions.

Jacolyn said...

Praying for you sister!! I get it,,,but my husband doesn't realize that when i say "You may be visiting me in the loony bin soon", I REALLY mean it, so get out of my way and let me take my meds.