1:20 - arrive at Ace's school.
1:22 - 1:40 - walk outside with Ace and put him in the car. (Yes, it takes this long. The kid loves taking his sweet time on his canes.)
1:55 - arrive at Target. Get the stroller out of the car. Get Ace out of the car. Put Ace behind, not in, the stroller. He loves pushing the stroller, and his physical therapist says it's acceptable in lieu of cane use for short errands.
2:00 - 2:20 - arrive at Target's front door. Walk to the WAYY back of the store to the baby section. Grab potty seat that will fit on the toilet because Ace has decided he's too good for his potty chair, not that he has ever used it for it's given purpose. Start walking toward the front of the store.
2:21 - stop and wait while Ace pauses to check out a 4-year-old sitting quietly in her stroller. I swear, the kid smiled and wiggled his eyebrows at the little girl.
2:22 - redirect my little mac daddy before the little girl's mom starts demanding a dowry.
2:25 - get to the front aisle. See one of Ace's NICU nurses, stop to talk to her for a minute.
2:26 - Ace decides we are totally finished talking to one of the people that saved his life, thinks he'd like to go play with the end cap of batteries instead.
2:28 - Ace decides he's done with the end cap of batteries, thinks he'd like to go play with the door to the cooler instead. I put all batteries in their proper places. Ace loudly rebuffs my request for redirection.
2:29 - I make the unfortunate decision to put him in his stroller so I can buy the potty seat and leave.
2:29:30 - Ace explodes with rage.
2:30 - 2:35 - Ace screams his head off. I retreat to the middle of the store to wait out the fit. I speak calmly to him, trying to get him to count to ten and calm himself down. I contemplate leaving the potty by the girls' panties and leaving. I contemplate my sanity for trying to take my kid on a "quick errand" when I know darn well it's nap time. I contemplate consuming mass amounts of chocolate and/or vodka.
2:35:30 - Ace sees a dot on my shirt. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAHHHHH! Circle? Mama circle on the shirt? Circle? See da circle?"
2:36 - I stand, assuming the fit is over. I turn the stroller toward the front of the store and start walking. Ace asks to hold the potty seat. I say no.
2:36:45 - Ace explodes with rage.
2:37 - 2:40 - I return to the middle of the store. Ace screams his head off. I speak calmly to him, trying to get him to count to ten and calm himself down.
2:41 - I say, inwardly, "to heck with this hippy crap." I dig my iPhone out of my purse, open YouTube, wait "patiently" for my bookmarks to load, and open the video of Elmo singing his self-titled song.
2:41:30 - "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Elmo song? Elmo song?"
2:42 - I wait a minute for the fit to return. It does not.
2:43 - 2:46 - I make my purchase, noting the distinct lack of delicious chocolate at my checkout stand. Curse the fool that chose to make Ritter Sports with capuccino flavoring. Come on, dude.
2:50 - I drive out of the parking lot with my child in the back seat and the potty seat in the front. The potty seat no longer seems worth it.
Moral of the day? Dude, you really thought you could take your kid for a "quick errand" when it was nap time? Nap time is HOLY. It cannot be denied.
(Although, he stood unsupported several times during this whole expedition, and once while he was standing behind his stroller and let go of it to play with the sticker in his hands, I shoved the stroller up a few feet and he walked to it. So maybe, just maybe, the physical therapy I was able to sneak in made the "quick errand" a little more worthwhile.)
4 weeks ago