Tuesday, January 06, 2009

my blog posts are like the sunshine

That is to say, RARE. This weather sucks.

I seem to have hit the depression stage of my grief over losing my baby. I know it's been several months, but everyone grieves in her own way and apparently it's taken me some time to get here.

I can hardly get out of bed, yet I can't sleep - I'm averaging 3 hours a night at this point. I'm going back to very dark places that I visited during the depression of my early 20's. And most worrisome for me, I'm blowing off visits with my family and friends. Any time I've felt bad in the past, I'd just visit my family or hang out with one or several of my friends, but I'm either just not returning calls or simply cutting the visits short. This is not at all like me.

I'm fairly certain that a major contributing factor to this depression is my cough. While it's not terrible at this point, I still have several coughing fits per day. I finished my 3rd round of antibiotics yesterday and I'm downing Mucinex like whoa. Thing is, I can't laugh. If I laugh, I start coughing, so I just avoid laughter, which I hear is the best medicine or something.

I'm a little worried about myself. Gotta say.

So I put in a call this morning to the fabulous therapist who helped get me through the destruction of my psyche after my ectopic pregnancy. I haven't been able to see her nearly 2 years, but I'm certain that she will be a big help in getting me over this slump.

In the meantime, posts will be spotty. I PROMISE a Christmas post with lots of pictures, but it might not be till Valentine's Day. I do update on Twitter pretty frequently, though, so you can always follow me, either here or on my sidebar. Over there. --->

Now if you'll excuse me, there are some tortilla chips in my pantry calling my name. Yes, inanimate objects speak to me. I told you I called a therapist already.


Sharon said...

Oh Stacey, I'm sorry. :(
It doesn't matter if it's been several months. Heck, it's been over almost 3 YEARS for me, and it still hits me.
I hope the therapist can help you.
I'm sure you're ready to start feeling better.

dhcoop said...

I'm so sorry, darlin! ((hugs))

Kayra said...

*hugs* Oh and regular mucinex doesn't work well for me. I bought the DM stuff and that did the trick.

Dr. Wifey said...

aw, sorry to hear you are so down :( ((((hugs))))

mayberry said...

I wish I could make it better sweetie.

Watercolor said...

Hugs sweetie.

Alice said...

i wish you Godspeed and peace on your way....I'm thinking about and praying for you!

HEATHER said...

I'm so sorry Stacey.
I do know from my own experiences that my depression is worse when I am sick. I hope that your therapist is able to get you some really good meds. Hang in there honey! I will be praying for you.

HEATHER said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HEATHER said...

Sorry didn't mean to post that twice.

Jo said...

Big Hugs Stacey! I'm always available for a chat when you need it :) Course... we DID just chat earlier tonight :)

I'm glad you called the therapist. As I said earlier, it's difficult to grieve when you have a child that you feel like you have to be strong for ;)

Praying for you!

Nicole Bradshaw said...

Ok, intervention time. I'm getting a tattoo for my birthday, and I want you to come with me. When are we doing this thing? Are we going to The Ink Spot?

From the Doghouse said...

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I admire you for recognizing it, though, and taking steps to address it. Call if I can help.

shiksa said...

Sending love and good thoughts your way - I'm sorry you're hurting. Regarding the cough - if you can stand to do some steaming/inhalation and then get Drew to pat down your back with a cupped hand, it will loosen anything that's hanging on. Not too soft, not too hard, you want it to knock the funk loose. *hugs from afar*

Jen said...

I haven't even read a single comment, I just wanted to post this:

You better call me before sinking into that low. You have done so much for me in so many ways. Im always here to listen, bring you chocolates ;), or just sit and let you bawl. It doesn't matter. I mean IT!

Now, everyone has to grieve in their own way and in their own time. I grieved the first day and a couple of months solid after this last pregnancy. The one before it, it didn't truly hit me until later. It's different each time hun.

I'm here, I understand, just call. MUCH LOVE to you!