Tuesday, October 07, 2008

waiting

You know what this feels like?

It feels like there's a hurricane in the Gulf, headed straight this way. You know it's affected a lot of people before you, but you don't know if it's going to affect you the same way. You know it's going to be horrible, and you know it's going to cause a lot of damage and pain. You know that it's going to be horrible even after the storm is over. You're watching it on the screen. The anticipation is absolutely maddening, because you just don't know the future, but you know it's going to be very, very bad.

And it's starting to rain.

God has decided that I should let things run their natural course, and I'm pretty glad He made that decision for me. I started cramping rhythmically in a way that's painfully reminiscent of labor, and I've started spotting. I know it's going to get so much worse, but I don't know how bad. When I saw earlier that I'd started spotting, the hurricane analogy really did come into my head. It was like the first signs of rain before a hurricane. It's starting. It's gonna get bad. It's gonna BE bad. And nothing afterward is going to be okay for a while.

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

17 comments:

Emma B. said...

I'm glad you found the right course of action to take for you, and I hope it goes as easily as such a thing can go. Call me if you need me, any time.

HEATHER said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry.
I will be praying for you and asking God to hold you and to soothe you through this.
((HUGS))

RhondaLue said...

:(

Sharon said...

Do you have people home with you today?

I'm sure you're sick of hearing "I'm sorry", but I really am.

You are right though. This too shall pass.

Hang in there. Don't stay alone.
You WILL get through this.

Stacey said...

Sharon - Drew drove himself to work today (as opposed to carpooling, which he normally does) so he could come home in case I needed him to. My mom also works only a couple of miles away so she can be here if I need her.

Not to mention my friends here locally who I know would be here in a minute if I asked them to.

I'm not tired of hearing "I'm sorry," since I know that's all you really can say. I know y'all support me and that makes me feel pretty good.

i'm black betty said...

it was good seeing your face last night. you call me if you need ANYTHING...i'm so sorry, honey.

love you.

Dr. Wifey said...

stacey, my heart truly aches for you. i have been so sad since i read your post on Monday and i tear up as you describe what you are going through. please know that i am praying for you

Susan said...

We love you, and your baby too.

mayberry said...

I've been praying for you and will continue to as you face this difficult time.

From the Doghouse said...

You've got a support system at least.

Stacey said...

The best ever, doghouse.

Marie said...

Stacey I wish I had the words to ease your pain. Just know that you are not alone.

clstigger said...

Continuing to pray for you! May God surround you with love and peace.

Jo said...

If I lived closer I'd come over and feed you chocolate!

I am reading a book right now titled "Finding God" and it's really good. The author wrote about miscarriage and a different way that she looks at it (that I never would have in dealing with the loss of my child). She said she looks at it as though God chose HER child to be His angel, and how blessed she feels about that. Of course, she didn't feel that way right away.... but I thought that was just a neat way of putting it. It doesn't diminish the pain and suffering... it doesn't take away the fact that your child died... but I just thought it was neat.

Of course... you probably don't even care to hear this crap right now. Sorry about that...

I will continue to pray for you and Drew. I hope that this hurricane is a cat 1.

BIG BIG BIG HUGS!

Jen said...

If you need anything and I MEAN ANYTHING, please feel free to call me. I wish you all the peace you can find right now.

OH, I forgot to tell you that the times I miscarried & let my body do it, I only took aleve..Soon as I felt cramping, I started with 3 and followed with 2 every 3 hours regardless if I needed it or not. I had TYLOX as backup in case it got too bad but it never really got that bad. I didn't have to take it. thank the good Lord!

Praying for you and Drew. Love being sent your way.

dhcoop said...

You are in my heart, Stacey.

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

((hugs)) first off I wanted everyone to leave you a comment first. I read your blogs time to time, but I rarely leave comments.. that is just me. I had a miscarriage with my first set of twins. It was hard to have the D&C it almost seemed inhuman, but the doctor had no choice. I felt it was something I did wrong "stupid huh" but I blamed myself, for not taking myself better. I tell you it get easier ...I have to tell myself that God took them b/c he knew I couldn't handle them being deformed ..weird to say that, but that is how I dealed with the pain. I just pray for you and I'm thinking of you....