Sunday, September 21, 2008

huggable... not flushable

Drew and I recently dumped our Sam's Club membership. The only things we were really going there for were laundry detergent, toilet paper and paper towels, and we'd invent other things we needed (like Febreze and Kashi bars!) and make the half hour drive to Ridgeland to pick everything up. We figured it wasn't worth it, so we let it expire. Once the one in Pearl opens, we'll go there again.

The time came recently when we needed toilet paper. I was at home cleaning the house, so Drew took Ace and did the grocery shopping, including picking up the TP. Proving that you can't send a man to do a woman's job, Drew got the super expensive stuff. Not even the generic version. No, Drew went high-falutin'. You know, the stuff that makes bears happy and is huggably soft and whatnot. The stuff with both plys and quilting and stuff. Much different than what we've been wiping with for the past 3 years, which would probably bristle and call you gay if you tried to hug it.

Sure enough, it's like wiping with a cloud. No, a big cuddly blanket. No, a big, cuddly blanket made out of clouds. And bunny hair. And smiles.

Okay, here's the thing. Call me gross, but I tend to be a follower of the "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" philosophy. Since Drew thinks I'm totally disgusting and won't allow me to follow my philosophy while he's at home, I can only do this during the day. My theory is, if I go to the bathroom 4 times and only flush once, I'm saving hella bank on my water bill. Also, bla bla environment conservation bla.

I cannot do this with the happy bear high-falutin' toilet paper. My toilet has clogged more times in the past few weeks than it has in the 3 years that we used the cheap stuff. I've had to drastically change my habits, and I'm starting to understand how it is Sheryl Crow can use only one square when she's doing her bidness. She clearly uses the happy bear high falutin' toilet paper.

It also doesn't clean quite as well. I think the cheap stuff from Sam's Club is made from warthog hair and recycled sandpaper, so it's very efficient at cleaning. Toilet paper made from clouds and bunny hair is not quite as efficient, so I have to use more. I have to courtesy flush after one use, so I'm having to use twice the water for one trip to the bathroom.

Maybe I'm just accustomed to mediocrity, having grown up in households where every penny was sacred, but I don't think I'll be using the happy bear high falutin' toilet paper anymore. My nethers just aren't used to being treated so well, and neither is my plumbing. But hey, at least I'm getting a lot of use out of the high-falutin' toilet plunger.

16 comments:

Watercolor said...

hhmmmm.....
I use Cottonelle. Is that highfallutin? heh. No flushing problems, though.....

HEATHER said...

I will tell you that when Paddy was in Pampers & Wipes they were cheaper there than anywhere else.
I did the comparison and it was like getting an extra pack free compared to Wal-Mart, or Kroger.
Have you checked prices on any of your foods at Sam's?
Sometimes it does work out cheaper but you really have to be on top of your prices. I love their fresh fruit selection.

Watercolor said...

Okay, I looked. It doesn't appear to be super ply quilted stuff. But is nice. :) I like it anyway.

Watercolor said...

I don't do Sam's either. With just me, it isn't cost effective to buy in bulk and then have to find somewhere to store it in my little apartment. It cost me way too much at a time. My budget can take it better with the little packs spaced out as needed.

Sandi said...

Angel Soft.

Sharon said...

Charmin Basic.
Same for paper towels.

Dr. Wifey said...

white cloud is cheap(er) but soft

Jen said...

cottonelle ALL THE WAY! Its soft as charmin but not as THICK and it wipes WELL :) hehe! I recently had to buy cottonelle ultra and I totally HATE it compared to the regular Cottonelle Double Roll...Try it out. I am on a septic and I can NOT use Charmin. I don't have flushing problems either!

AND WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS! LAWD! How's the Ace man doing with his walking?

Love&hugs!

Stacey said...

I'm not totally sure how this has turned into "tell me what kind of terlit paper y'all use" but if it makes you feel better go nuts... Y'all are too funny.

mayberry said...

What a post! I just never know what Monday morning will bring when I tune in to Flip Flops. =)

i'm black betty said...

rofarto INSISTS on the charmin ultra strong. believe me, you need to only use like 5 blocks or it swell and clog the toilet!! :D

good luck today. praying for you.

From the Doghouse said...

It doesn't matter what type we use, if it sits for more than five minutes, we're clogged.

Sorry your butt hugs aren't working out for you.

Jo said...

All I have to say about your "If it's yellow, let it mellow..." philosphy is just wait til Ace discovers the toilet. Big bowl of water + toddler boy = EEEEEWWWWW!!!!!

We had to buy a lock for our toilet lid.... seriously! I don't follow the same philosophy as you, but I was grossed out by the little wet hands holding the little wet toy that was now in the little mouth of my precious little boy.... and knowing all of the wetness came from the tidy bowl!!!! Can we say EEEWWWWW!!!!!

But really... good luck with that.

Jo

Susan said...

It's the little things in life that are so amusing. =) I remember a sign from the bathroom at the condo I stayed at in St. Croix many years ago:

In the land of sand and sun
We never flush for #1.

RhondaLue said...

I think everyone has to respond about what TP they use because TP is serious BIZNEZZ!

Charmin Ultra Soft BIG ROLL Sams club size pack. Nothin' but the best for my bum.

I must be a TP snob.

Crawdaddy79 said...

Please tell me... did it feel like a puppy? Please say so.

I've always wanted to wipe with a puppy, but have never found one docile enough.