We all say that our families are the highest priorities in our lives (or the second highest, depending on our religious leanings). At what point would you make a drastic change because you feel that your current path is causing your family to suffer?
If a job is causing your family to suffer, at what point would you quit that job or ask your spouse to do so? Too many hours? Too much travel? What if your job is compromising the morals you want to teach your children?
If you're suffering financially, at what point would you get a job, if you stay at home? If that's not an option, at what point would you ask your spouse to get a better job or get a second job to supplement your income?
I promise this isn't a question based on a personal experience. A friend wrote on his blog earlier that his family is a million times more important than his job because his employers won't be at his bedside holding his hand at the end of his life. For him, this seems true, but it got me thinking about the people I know who wouldn't make any changes in their lives to make their families' lives better, and how empty their words are when they say how important their families are to them. Kinda sad.
One last question, just for funsies. Have you ever had to make a drastic change because you felt, for no other reason, that it was best for your family?
4 months ago
17 comments:
I relocated from Los Angeles to Jackson to be closer to my mom after she had a giant heart attack. But then you knew that.
Ask me again in 3 months :) We'll see if we relocate for me to get a job since I quit mine!
The financial aspect is the biggest thing for us. We don't want to raise our kid with nothing... want to give him LOTS of opportunities and experiences as he grows up :)
Jo
Hmmmm. . . does quitting your job count? I ache sometimes because I miss teaching so much, but Charlie's needs are so great right now. I don't care how you slice it, he wouldn't be getting near the therapy if he was in daycare. I work his little hiney off over the course of a day. I can't imagine that it would be like that if there were other kids competing for attention. Of course, I could be trying to convince myself. . .
Well, right now we're living on next to nothing so we can get our house paid off, which we put me in a position to quit my job if we able to start a family in the next year or so. But I wouldn't consider that a major change so much as the plan from the start!
Both of my parents have done it, though. Dad chose to take a layoff and start his own business rather than relocate us when I was young because the schools and atmosphere was better where we were. Mom stayed home before I started school. After she went back to work as an RN she changed jobs a couple of times because the long hours at the nursing homes were hard on us at home. Oh, they both quit and relocated back "home" to Burnside, after 35 years in Vicksburg, to be near my aging grandparents. Guess that's why it's a no-brainer for me. It's just what we do.
about 15 years ago I had a job that I loved and my employer really valued me. After a bad experience with a daycare, God told me I needed to leave that good job. Actually, He was telling me all along, that's just when I started listening. I quit and it was the best thing I ever did. I raised all my girls by being there with them, not dropping them off. I don't judge those who do. It was just what I needed to do.
Do drastic decisions count the same as drastic changes? Because sometimes not taking action is just as powerful, if not more powerful, than taking action. I guess I'm just in limbo right now. Not sure what path I should take as they both have v. different outcomes. Gads, life can be confusing sometimes!
One big change that did take place in my household was when my husband took on a second PT job overnight so he could supply our family with medical benefits after I quit my job when my twins arrived. It definately hasn't been easy but we do what we have to to survive.
I just thought of something too... not a decision that *I* made, but one my dad did. When my brother was in high school, Pop was working 3rd shift at a factory and getting that nice extra pay for working overnights. Then my brother started getting in trouble at school and such. My dad transferred to 1st shift so that he would be home when my brother was home from school because he felt that my bro needed him to be there. They had to adjust to a lower income (my mom was a SAHM), but in the long run it was worth it to them.
My son (age 8) says he thinks moms and dads should get paid to stay home and be with their kids. I LIKE his way of thinking :)
Jo
i walked out of a job making a TON of money...had no backup plan and was unemployed for over a month (oh, did i mention rofarto walked out with me - we worked at this place together)...talk about money worries, but it all worked out, and we are both much happier now. we were able to move back home and be closer to our family.
"do what you say and say what you mean..."
I am very committed to being a SAHM.
When Aidan was 9 months old, we just couldn't pay all the bills any more w/ my dh's income alone. And we had cut back where we could-we were renting, skimping on the groceries, etc.
It was heart-breaking, but I got a p/t job at CVS. I got out of the house, and the schedule worked out so that my mil could watch Aidan until my dh got home from work. All in all, he was only w/o wither dh or I for no more than 2 hours. It was hard at first, but I noticed he was doing just fine, and I actually felt the benefit of the break away from home.
The income was minimal, but definitely helped.
I think it was best for us. Had we not had family to help, and had to PAY for childcare, I think I'd start selling stuff before going to work. Heck, we DID do that later on-we sold one of our cars, going down to 1 car. That's HARD, but doable.
Time & again dh and I have agreed-we'd rather him take a job paying a job paying less if it means he is home more. Minor traveling is one thing, late nights here or there is OK, but not constantly doing so when we have a family, esp. young kids.
I quit a job i loved 2 years ago. We definitly miss the extra income but I am much less stressed.
If I had childcare I would definitly go back to work part time. Just so we could have some extra cash.
Last fall, Sweet Pea told her mom "You never have time for us, all you have time for is work, work, work."
She switched jobs not too long after that, for that very reason.
Thanks to WCom...A lesson I learned early is that a job is NOT that important. There is no loyality from the company when the crap hits the fan. So all of those late nights you miss tucking your child in, they can't replace when they lay you off 10 years down the road...
Personally, I feel I *need* to work to support my family, but I never let work come between me and my family time.
Were you and MR reading my thoughts? I am in a real dilema myself right now. DO I quit my job, that I love, DO I find one closer to home, with less pay, what do I do? I have been tossing that around the past week. Yesterday, I got my resume updated, had 3 opinionated people read over it and now I am just sitting here holding it. I am at a loss... Thanks for the Blog, made me think more and I think I am close to my answer that I just don't want to realize.
Well, I'm single so I make these decisions on the quality of *my* life, but to move to Jackson, I quit my job and took a $7000 a year pay cut. Why? Because the old job offered me a raise and a promotion to a *new* job they were creating just for me. When they explained my duties, I asked how that differed from "Ted" who did that exact job, they looked puzzled, said they'd look into it. I got a voice mail thanking me for letting them know they already had those tasks covered. The end. No mention of the raise or promotion they had offered. The job had gotten awful and that was the last straw. They paid a lot but money is NOT worth everything.
Plus, in 20 years, what are you going to look back on and be glad about?
I got a divorce to make things better for my family. Does that make sense? Probably not.
My husband and I have both had jobs that were sapping us emotionally. My rule of thumb that one spouse has to make enough to pay the monthly bills (not go out to dinner every night bills, I mean rent, phone, electricity etc) so our only job rule is not to take a job in the first place that couldn't pay 100% of the monthly bills. That way if there is ever a truly crappy job situation one of us can always quit on the spot. We have each asked each other to quit after several meltdowns with bosses or colleagues. I think knowing you can walk away helps with motivation and perspective.
And yes, we have both moved for jobs. Transatlantic.
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