Sunday, February 17, 2008

1 month 6 days

I really think that I gave up the wrong thing for Lent. Not because life without the internet is difficult or boring (and it is both - seriously, how did the world find out how old Nikki Sixx was before the internet?), but because I've realized especially within the last week that the internet is my primary mode of contact with many of my friends.

There is a difference between having a blog and being a blogger. I consider this blog to be a chunk of my identity. It started as a forum on which to frequently post my opinions and random thoughts, but I've slowly carved out my own chunk of the blog world and I really, really want to keep it that way.

Especially within the past year, I've carved out a chunk of the Jackson area blog world. I've gotten to know a lot of other people within the Jackson area - fascinating, dynamic, wonderful people - who also have blogs. Not only do I thoroughly enjoy reading their blogs because of their aforementioned positive attributes, I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with them. That I've formed relationships with other bloggers initially based solely on the fact that we are bloggers is something that only other bloggers can understand, but know that when I say I miss y'all, I mean I really miss y'all, because I have no other way of contacting many of you.

That said, I am learning a few things. I promise. God has not forsaken me here.

First of all, I'm slowly starting to realize that sitting in front of the internet for hours a day is a symptom of something larger, not a problem in and of itself. I had these grand visions of doing lots of things without the internet - spring cleaning, knitting, reading more, melting faces on Guitar Hero, etc. I ain't done none of those things. I've discovered that we have the Independent Film Channel in our satellite lineup. Thing is, when I don't have anything immediately leading and occupying my thoughts, icky things creep in and I get in a really bad mood. I'm not sure what that's about, but I reckon I should find out.

Secondly, I am exploring the idea of forming a committee to find out if I want to consider the contemplation of deliberating the idea of having another baby. Was that non-committal enough? I've been journaling a lot about it (structured journaling, as suggested by my mom) and I'm starting to face my fears and take them on. I can't say this will end in me getting pregnant again (because thinking does not, after all, make one pregnant... who knew?) but I still hate the idea of making a permanent decision based on fear. It ticks me off. So I'm considering. Well, considering considering considering.

Last, I've realized that I've used my blog and my friends' blogs entirely too much as my primary mode of contact with them. For example, there's a girl I know (bam ba lam) who I consider a friend, and I consider myself pretty current in the goings-on in her life, but I just got her digits last night. How weird is that.

Now that's a long enough post. On to more interesting things. In other posts.

8 comments:

Susan said...

Sounds like maybe you actually did give up the right thing for Lent...

HEATHER said...

Well, I've missed you and the little man!

From the Doghouse said...

Sigh. No cute Ace photos to brighten my day.

And no Stacey either.

I guess we all gave you up for Lent!

Watercolor said...

Hope your journaling is fruitful. hugs!

Sandi said...

Someone posted an e-postcard on my favorite networking site profile page that showed a man hugging his computer. In the conversation bubble, it read: "I love my computer because that's where my friends live!"

I know exactly what you mean about blogging and bloggers! Whenever someone is silent, whether for Lent or for blogger restrictions at work, it's like losing a daily conversation.
We miss you!

Black Betty said...

867-5309...it's about time! ;P

mayberry said...

It really sucks when you're not around.

Jennifer said...

Blogging is definitely the biggest way I keep in touch with my friends, too--and people who like what you stand for/have to say, etc. always wind up finding your blog, so you meet new friends and find support you almost never find in the real world so easily! I also happen to HATE talking on the phone--and I can't ever seem to get a whole conversation out over the phone with everything else going on. Sharon (Birds Nest Sharon) and I have been friends for about 17 years and we almsot never talk on the phone--but I know more about her life than any of my other friends thanks to e-mails and MySpace and Blogging.

So, to sum up the ramblings, I feel your pain!

Also, I am going through the baby contemplation, too and equally as terrified!!! Sometimes I feel like I am RRRRReady and wanting it--Other times, I am TOTALLY sure I can never do it again. How do you even make a decision like this??!!!

UGH! Anyways, can't wait to hear from you next week :oD