Friday, January 18, 2008

The story

**This post will remain at the top of my page until Friday the 18th. See below for current posts.**

The fact that my readers are also incredibly talented writers does not escape me, so here's what's gonna happen. Y'all are going to write a story, sentence by sentence, in my comments. Here are the rules.

1. You may only write one sentence per comment.
2. Your sentence doesn't necessarily need to make sense, but try to keep a narrative flow if at all possible. Remember though, humor in randomness is always appreciated here at Housewife in Flip Flops.
3. You may not comment multiple times in a row - your comment has to be after the comment of a different person.
4. Keep it PG...13.
5. If you don't like your sentence, you can delete it.
6. The deadline is Thursday, January 17th, at 11:59 pm, at which point I will close comments.

I will post the story on Friday the 18th, and will start the story with my own comment.

126 comments:

Stacey said...

Carrie always had her nose in a book.

Alice said...

She loved those harlequin romance novels, a bit too much.

mayberry said...

The dramatic stories, the exotic settings, the throbbing bodies - Carrie couldn't get enough!

From the Doghouse said...

The title of the book - "Gelatinous" - also intrigued her.

jesusthroughmary said...

Every day when he came from work, her stepfather - known to her as Johnny but to the rest of Rock Haven as Senator John Holmes "Diamond Jack" Campbell IV -would poke his head into her room, smile, and say to her, "You finished that book yet, pumpkin?"

Jennifer said...

She would look up dreamily from her book and, surrounded by posters of Fabio and old fast food wrappers, she would chant mysteriously, "Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady."

Stacey said...

Suddenly, there was a tapping on her window and Carrie looked up from "Gelatinous."

Watercolor said...

She gasped in horror!

jesusthroughmary said...

Curious as to what could be tapping on a third floor window, she got up from her bed and went to check it out, only to be interrupted by the sound of her bedroom door being broken down - again - by a web of arms, legs, and curly red hair resembling her twin half-brothers Jacky and David, but which apparently referred to themselves as "Dick" and "Biatch".

mayberry said...

"CUT IT OUT YOU GUYS!!!!! I'm TRYING to READ!!!" she whined.

Blake and Lilly's Momma said...

The twins laughed eerily, grabbed Carrie's book and turned to run out of the room when suddenly...

Blogger said...

Ricardo, the gardener with the washboard abs and flowing jet black hair, who had heard her screams, told the twins to STOP!

Sandi said...

Those two Harry Potter escapees were about to learn a lesson.

jesusthroughmary said...

Ricardo, who had been cleaning the gutters, lowered himself down from the roof when he heard Carrie's scream, and entered the room through the window his foot had been tapping.

Alice said...

Just then, those two little twits jumped onto those motorized scooters that they use to taunt the neighborhood and raced away to one of their many hiding places.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

Ricardo sighed loudly and promptly gave chase, pausing only to give Carrie a knowing wink before running down the hall after the boys.

From the Doghouse said...

Carrie said a silent prayer of thanks that her nose had been in a book and wasn't still caught in the three-ring binder like it had been the day before. If the boys had grabbed that and ran off, it could have left a mark that makeup couldn't cover.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

Meanwhile across town, Carrie's Father sat on the curb outside the record studio.

Sandi said...

It was chilly outside, but he was sweating, trying to calm his nerves.

Alice said...

His mind wondered to his mistress and their passionate encounter.

Blogger said...

This second love in his life was his only sanctuary from the real life problems which he faced, which was......

Stacey said...

...adult acne.

dhcoop said...

About that time, two motor scooters with the red-haired devil twins came screaming past.

Blogger said...

But because of his daydreaming of his mistress Dora Lou, he doens't notice the scooters blaring past, so at this point, it is of no consequence to the story at this time.

Stacey said...

They were chanting something, which Carrie's father, Victor, could hardly make out until they were almost gone.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

"I AM NOT A FATTY BUMBALATTY!" Ricardo screamed at the twins as he came tearing around the corner past Victor.

Alice said...

Ricardo's ripped muscles caught Victor's eye and lead him to a new train of thought about that trashy mistress of his.

mayberry said...

Dora Lou had seem disinterested in him at their last encounter and he recalled asking her, "What is it lover? Is it the acne?"

grammargirl said...

"No," she said, "it's Ricardo the gardener."

dhcoop said...

Back in her room, Carrie was thinking...

Stacey said...

"I sure hope I don't get Daddy's acne."

Sandi said...

"Ricardo would turn away in disgust, and I'd never have a shot at that big old sweaty gardner."

Stacey said...

"Wait a minute," she thought, "Ricardo IS the gardener... do I really want my dad's lover's sloppy seconds?"

mayberry said...

The sound of a ringing phone snapped Carrie back to reality.

Blogger said...

she picked up the reciever and said hello, only to be met with silence and then a sudden voice of a telemarketer asking her if he could interest her in buying.....

msudeere said...

I'm so confused ..Carrie thought maybe Bobbie Joe (Victor's illegetimate daughter) could help her!

dhcoop said...

The voice on the other end of the phone finally penetrated the deep musings in Carrie's confused mind and she said "uh, what did you say?"

Alice said...

"What the hell, Bobby?", the voice said in a broken English accent.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

"This isn't Bobby, you ignorant twit..." Carrie said with disgust.

Alice said...

Carrie quickly remembered to check on the 3 ring binder which held all of her journaled of her relationship with Bobby, that hunkie senior quarterback, as she was hanging up the phone.

dhcoop said...

The telemarketer simply stared at the phone with it's now dead line, thinking to himself "I just don't get these Americans, and why was she calling me Bobby??"

gigi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gigi said...

Bobby held a special place in her heart….and in the hearts of the entire cheerleading squad. But his heart was not the part of his body in which she was interested. It was his

Blogger said...

his massive large thick....dumbo like ears,which reminded her to pay her satelitte bill.

Alice said...

Since her dad had been slacking on the bills due to his problem with alcohol, she had taken a job at a local

Blake and Lilly's Momma said...

Piggly Wiggly. The hours sucked, the pay was shitty and that nerdy cashier with the taped glasses gave her the creeps!

Sandi said...

Poor, poor Carrie. Just when it looked like her life couldn't get much worse...

Watercolor said...

is that a pimple on her nose?!

Ter said...

suddenly, her entire face breaks out....

HEATHER said...

as across town Dora Lou, carefully screwed the lid back on her jar of red paint, and held up the effigy of Carrie that she kept under her bed.

Sandi said...

"It's time for the pins," she thought, a wicked snarl unconsciously forming as her mind raced with the possibilities of this one.

Blogger said...

For this one is special, different than all the others because of her supernatural ability to....

Stacey said...

...belch the Greek alphabet, backwards, to the tune of "Ice Ice Baby!"

brig said...

There Dora Lou was, with her hands outstretched, feverishly doing the Running Man, belching for all she was worth; and as a violent streak of lightning illuminated the sky, somewhere between the omega and the alpha, Dora Lou plunged the pin towards the effigy of Carrie, right towards her...

HEATHER said...

right ankle, but she felt dizzy, her balance was off, and she ultimately ended up plunging the antique eight-inch jeweled hat pin deep into her own left thigh; the room began to spin, her mind began to race, as she fought to regain her balance, she stumbled to the

Stacey said...

...fridge - she desperately needed a beer before attempting voodoo again.

HEATHER said...

Her mind was in a whirl, she had to think of a way to get the hat pin out of her leg; her greatest fear was that she would be found passed out or even worse dead on the floor of the trailer with the effigy in plain site on the kitchen table.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

Unfortunately for Carrie, the voodoo spell did indeed still have an effect.

dhcoop said...

She found herself with an overwhelming desire to lay down on the kitchen table.

Alice said...

As she drifted in and out of consciousness, she thought she was dreaming when she saw something hovering over her.

From the Doghouse said...

Was it ... her book?

Black Betty said...

tear it up!

dhcoop said...

Through the fog in her brain, Carrie couldn't quite figure out what was going on.

Alice said...

It abruptly fell on her face as she tumbled off of the table with all the grace of a hippopatumus ballerina as the words "Hip-hop-anonymous" ran thru her head.

Sandi said...

"What is going on here," her father wondered, as he entered the kitchen, wine bottle and foie gras in hand for the surreptious romantic meal for himself and his skanky mistress.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

Carrie flitted in and out of conciousness, random thoughts steamrolling through her brain like a story with too many writers.

Black Betty said...

i like pizza!

Alice said...

Victor said, looking at the meal in disgust as he overhead the clanking sound in coming from down the hall of the small, tin can of a trailor.

HEATHER said...

Victor was agast at what he saw coming towards him; Dora Lou, in a black lace see through gown, covered in what looked like blood, with a large hat pin sticking out of her leg, she was obviously drunk.

dhcoop said...

About that time, Carrie woke up in her comfortable, warm bed, with her copy of "Gelatanious" clutched to her chest, and realized that the cold medicine she had taken the night before had caused her to have some REALLY unbelievable dreams.

msudeere said...

at least she thought they were dreams

Stacey said...

She remembered Dora Lou's effigy from her dream and frantically kicked off her blankets to look at her ankle, where she saw...

Brou HahHah said...

A small, slightly singed doll reminiscent of the ones with the pink dresses and the pull string which says the obligatory "mama". However, this doll was different. It had the most

mayberry said...

eerie resemblance to none other than Carrie, herself! Hesitantly, she pulled the string....

Jennifer said...

repulsive case of adult acne she had ever seen (reet! reet! horror movie music here) and instead of saying "Mama", the doll spouted off random blurbs from Proactiv commercials. (The doll looked like Jennifer Love Hewitt and talked like Jessica Simpson). It was a sign from above. Carrie KNEW what she had to do....

Stacey said...

She had to get on Housewife in Flip Flops and remind everyone of the one sentence rule, and quick!

dhcoop said...

Then she ran to the window, flung it open, and started scanning the grounds for the hunky Renaldo.

Stacey said...

Renaldo, Ricardo's older, more mature brother, who had no interest in Carrie's dad's girlfriend, had given her the book "Gelatinous" to read and she wanted to return it to him.

Sandi said...

Clearly, this man had more on his mind than just Carrie's reading ability, and she wanted to get some of that.

HEATHER said...

Meanwhile across town, Dora Lou stumbled to Victor and clumsily through her arms around him, belching out "Hellllooo lover," and vomiting on his shoes.

Blake and Lilly's Momma said...

Victor looked down at his shoes and said, "What a waste of a good meal." He shoved Dora Lou off him, got up and headed into the...

dhcoop said...

nearby lake to rinse his shoes.

Sandi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alice said...

the "sunroom' which consisted a lean-to shanty on the back of the tin-can trailor.

Sandi said...

As he turned to go home, he was immediately knocked off his feet by the two rambunctious twins who had just come home from their citywide rampage.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

The twins were startled to see him there, considering he had just been on a curb downtown not moments before.

From the Doghouse said...

When questioned by the twins, he knew; it must be Vinnie, his siamese step-brother (same dad, different moms) who had mysteriously vanished years ago after the bizarre accident in the sausage factory separated them.

brig said...

The twins weren't concerned with their father's ability to jump the space- time continuum because they were hungry from their rampage, and were pondering the fact that their father was looking like a pretty tasty snack

Black Betty said...

you had me at hello.

HEATHER said...

Victor decided that he did not need this kind of harrassment, life was too short, and things were getting too weird; he made the decision to check into the Betty Ford Center and dry out.

jesusthroughmary said...

(If you're going to insert an explanation into the story, at least get it right. A step-brother is a child of your step-parent from another relationship. A child with whom you share a father but not a mother is a half-brother, a la the twins to Carrie - they have the same mother but different fathers.)

dhcoop said...

Carrie, seeing Renaldo out by the pool, called out and said

From the Doghouse said...

(Realized I mis-typed after the fact and don't know how to change it. Sorry to have offended you.)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ... "Diamond Jack" makes a mysterious reappearance.

Alice said...

"Hell naw and if you didn't understand that...hell to the naw!"

Sandi said...

And meanwhile, Carrie's poor mother, who Victor dumped unceremoniously shortly after he began his raunchy affair, hatched a devious plot — for revenge on Victor and that vomiting skank ho.

HEATHER said...

Lurleena, who had been called Lolly, since she was a child, had been, heartsick when Victor dumped her for Dora Lou, she even took to her bed for a solid month; Carrie pretty much had to fend for herself during those dark days.

dhcoop said...

Lurleena decided she would

HEATHER said...

she would have to make a visit to her favorite spell caster Madame La Pettie, to pick up some

Watercolor said...

armadillo drool, vodka, and turtle toe nails.

jesusthroughmary said...

(no problem :o) )

HEATHER said...

The perfect ingredients for the perfect revenge; Lolly could barely contain her glee!

Sandi said...

A mad glint in her eye, she hunched over her simmering brew, silently willing it to form into the gelatinous poison she'd need to inflict the most horrendous adult acne on whoever the concoction came in contact with.

jesusthroughmary said...

Victor checked into his room, which, to his surprise, he shared with none other than J.T. Wyatt, the author of "Gelatinous" and a former Baptist minister who had pastored Rock Haven Community Church until...

Stacey said...

He made one little slip of the tongue during a sermon one day and was shunned from the congregation.

HEATHER said...

For an instant Victor thought about punching him in the nose but he decided against it; J.T. had tried to steal Dora Lou last summer, by "ministering" to her all night long.

Andrew said...

If you know what I mean.

Alice said...

"I'm gonnna go taco box"

From the Doghouse said...

Diamond Jack, who wandered in unnoticed, noticed the open book in the kitchen - opened to a recipe that included, among other items, armadillo drool, vodka, and turtle toe nails.

"Who is this Rachael Ray?" he asked himself.

Alice said...

"It's going to take me 30 minutes to find this stuff."

Black Betty said...

ooohhh....i know you didn't!

Alice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sandi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
From the Doghouse said...

But wait! If you act now we'll throw in a set of ginsu knives ...

HEATHER said...

"Hello J.T.", Victor said as icily as he could muster, considering his burning rage.

Black Betty said...

i see dead people...

HEATHER said...

J.T. observed the broken man before him, stepping forward to embrace him, "God, love you brother, Victor, Praise the Lord, I am so glad to see you here taking this big step in your life".

Blake and Lilly's Momma said...

It was then that Victor realized that today was Monday and NOT Friday. He started to laugh hysterically...

HEATHER said...

J.T. thought that Victor was laughing at him; J.T. threw himself on his bed and began to sob uncontrollably.

Rob the Webkahunah said...

If you know what I mean.

HEATHER said...

When Victor caught his breath, he screamed so all of the facility could hear him, "Some big ladies man you are, crying like a little girl."

Andrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrew said...

Back in her room, or wherever this narration had taken her, Carrie gazed out of the window at the setting sun, not bothering to take heed of the public service announcement playing on the radio warning of the dangers of staring into the sun or using dangerously long sentences, when she thought wistfully of the day's occurrences and how ironic that they should conclude with Godzilla, silhouetted in the setting sunlight, destroying the nearby nondescript population center like a child destroying so many building blocks, which incidentally reminded her that "Cloverfield" was starting at the local theater tomorrow but she sadly would not be able to see it because Godzilla had just stepped on it.

HEATHER said...

Carrie held her head in her hands and sobbed; Godzilla was on the loose and her dad was in rehab, maybe her mom could use her newest gelatinous kitchen creation to kill the large reptile.

Susan said...

Suddenly, Godzilla belched.

Alice said...

"I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I were a baller, I wish I had a girl and then maybe I would call her...."

Sandi said...

As the primatic belch echoed through the city, Lolly realized she'd been wrong; this potion was not for the dear, crazy people in her life, but for the much higher purpose of saving the world from this ginormous beast playing legos with the local mall.