Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Happy Stupid Driver Day!!

I had several errands to run today. Thankfully, I'm back, and I'm safe, but I swear it's Stupid Driver Day.

I'll start with someone who's not a stupid driver, but kinda stupid all the same. He had several bumper stickers on the back of his truck. The first one, top left, said "I'm a shy guy with a big d**k." Another, "Powered by t**s and a**." And no, they weren't censored. I have to wonder, does this guy take his car to his mama's house, or does he never go over there because he's just as ashamed of himself as she is? What in the world would possess him to put those stickers on his truck?

Next, if there is enough space in front of you on the road that you can't even see the car in front of you, and there are 20 cars directly behind you, YOU ARE GOING TOO SLOW. The speed limit on Old Fannin is NOT 25-30. It's 35-40. That cop that was behind you? He wants you to go the speed limit too, NOT UNDER IT. 6 MILES of this... ugh.

It doesn't matter if you're going double the speed limit, a cop can't tell how fast you are going by passing you HEADED IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. Don't slow down like that.

Picture this. I'm getting ready to turn right onto a relatively busy highway. I generally pull slightly to the right so people who are turning left or going straight can pass me. A guy in a huge truck comes screaming up right next to me, and I'm thinking what a tool, now I can't see oncoming traffic, now I have to wait for this idiot to turn. Which he does - he turns right. Yes, he went around me to turn right. I had been waiting less than a minute when this dinglebrain comes pulling up next to me, and getting onto this highway can sometimes take a while, because it's busy. (If you live anywhere near here, I was turning from Luckney onto 471.) 3 people had to squeal their brakes to not run into this guy. Sheesh.

Now I'm on 471. I'm on the home stretch, so close to my house I can smell the kitchen (it always smells like lavender). I see the traffic WAY ahead of me slowing down, so I anticipate it and ease up on the gas. I then notice that I'm getting closer to the truck in front of me (no, not dinglebrain, a whole nother guy) a whole lot faster than traffic would seem. I then realize with horror that he's turning into the gas station that we're almost right in front of, and his brake lights are out. I hit my brakes pretty hard, because he's coming to a full stop and I didn't know it until I was WAY out of my comfort driving zone (Jennifer always taught me the count-to-two rule). He pulls into the gas station... and I followed him. I thought, maybe he doesn't know - I've had a brake light out before and didn't know it until I was driving behind Drew. I'm doing a good samaritan work here...

"Say man, did you know your brake lights are out?"
*blank stare, vacant nod*
"Okay, because I almost ran into you."
*blank stare*
"FIX THEM."
*blank stare*

Stupid kids.

I'm home now. My bagels are safe. But if only I could have gotten a stupid driver vaccine with my flu shot today so I wouldn't be affected by them for the next several months. That'd be great.

1 comment:

Terri said...

I can always count on you to put a smile on my face!! Thank you.