Monday, October 19, 2009

my post to craigslist

For sale
Free to good home
Free to abusive home filled with cat-hating future serial killers as children
I'll give you $5 $20 $100 if you take and put into a wood chipper:

Freaking obnoxious


Child-hating Nazi sympathizer


He is
the worst cat in the known universe
killing his owner's sanity
the very spawn of Satan
a spiteful, ugly beast
a... grey cat.

His favorite activities include:
worshiping at the altar of his father, Beelzebub
playing with toys
meowing incessantly outside the door while his owners are trying to watch a movie, poop, sleep, eat supper, take baths, or simply relax and then running away the second you open the door to let him in
meowing incessantly at the door, then 2 minutes after you let him out turning around and meowing to be let back in
meowing outside your bedroom window at 2 in the morning so you'll let him back in, THEN RUNNING AWAY WHEN YOU GROGGILY OPEN THE FRONT DOOR
sleeping, eating, and pooping.

Ownership must take place immediately because I swear, if there is ever a wood chipper in my front yard it will take wild horses, a Valium, and strong burly men to keep me from putting him in it.

Please email me ASAP.


HEATHER said...

Perhaps you should install a kitty door so that he can come and go as he wishes. They make them now that are radio controlled and the cat wears a collar that will activate the door so that raccoons, skunks, opossums, or strange cats can't come in.

Stacey said...

I don't have the doors for that.

Mommy said...


Sharon said...

You should send this in to one of the night shows or something.

Dr. Wifey said...


Allison said...

This is why I love you.

Watercolor said...

This is one, of many, reasons why I don't have cats. lol! You can't drop him off out in the country? NOT THAT I'D EVER SUGGEST THAT.

RhondaLue said...

I. hate. cats.

Find a shelter, give no reason for the surrending of the animal and hope that some other sucker adopts it.

Nicole Bradshaw said...

I love you. That is all.

Mommy Housewife said...

too bad there isn't a "like" button. lol