Monday, October 19, 2009

my post to craigslist

For sale
Free to good home
Free to abusive home filled with cat-hating future serial killers as children
I'll give you $5 $20 $100 if you take and put into a wood chipper:

Sweet
Loving
Enjoyable
Freaking obnoxious
Annoying
Ugly

Grey

Demon
A-hole
Child-hating Nazi sympathizer

cat.

He is
the worst cat in the known universe
killing his owner's sanity
the very spawn of Satan
a spiteful, ugly beast
a... grey cat.

His favorite activities include:
worshiping at the altar of his father, Beelzebub
playing with toys
meowing incessantly outside the door while his owners are trying to watch a movie, poop, sleep, eat supper, take baths, or simply relax and then running away the second you open the door to let him in
meowing incessantly at the door, then 2 minutes after you let him out turning around and meowing to be let back in
meowing outside your bedroom window at 2 in the morning so you'll let him back in, THEN RUNNING AWAY WHEN YOU GROGGILY OPEN THE FRONT DOOR
sleeping, eating, and pooping.

Ownership must take place immediately because I swear, if there is ever a wood chipper in my front yard it will take wild horses, a Valium, and strong burly men to keep me from putting him in it.

Please email me ASAP.

10 comments:

HEATHER said...

Perhaps you should install a kitty door so that he can come and go as he wishes. They make them now that are radio controlled and the cat wears a collar that will activate the door so that raccoons, skunks, opossums, or strange cats can't come in.

Stacey said...

I don't have the doors for that.

Mommy said...

BEST.BLOG.POST.EVER.

Sharon said...

You should send this in to one of the night shows or something.

Dr. Wifey said...

ROTFLMAO!

Allison said...

This is why I love you.

Watercolor said...

This is one, of many, reasons why I don't have cats. lol! You can't drop him off out in the country? NOT THAT I'D EVER SUGGEST THAT.

RhondaLue said...

I. hate. cats.

Find a shelter, give no reason for the surrending of the animal and hope that some other sucker adopts it.

Nicole Bradshaw said...

I love you. That is all.

Mommy Housewife said...

too bad there isn't a "like" button. lol