So it's 3 up in the morning. I cannot sleep. I knew this would happen, man, I knew it.
My psychiatrist put me back on anti-depressants. I can kinda see why, since I go through so many mood swings when I'm hormonal (sorry, guys), but I was reluctant. I knew they'd make me manic. The impulses haven't been terrible, but sleep has once again stopped. I will probably see my psychiatrist tomorrow, and he'll probably up my bipolar meds (they make me sleep), but I'm scared that'll cause the same reaction anti-depressants + Ambien did (hallucinations).
Is this what my life is going to be like? A constant restructuring and rebalancing of medications? A constant dance? Will I ever be able to sleep unmedicated again? I am just so scared right now that I'm going to have to be medicated in increased dosages for the rest of my life. My body will adjust and I'll get all out of whack and I'll have to go back to the psychiatrist for another retooling of my medications. God forbid I ever want to get pregnant again...
Life as a crazy person sucks a little bit. Guess I'll read a book for a few hours.
4 days ago