8 pregnancy tests. I peed on 8 pregnancy tests. Probably spent like $30 on 'em all. Started peeing on them on Sunday, and peed on two per day every day since.
All very, very, very, very faint positives. Different brands, different times of day, all very faint positives. No, it's not good news.
I got impatient yesterday and went to the doctor's office and asked for a blood test. My nurse called back today and said "I'm sorry, honey, it was negative." No actual hormone count, just "negative."
Earlier today, on the very day I expected it to come, my period started.
This is the danger of early pregnancy tests, and testing before you expect your period. While chemical pregnancies (also known as very early miscarriages) occur more often than I'd really like to admit, often because of chromosomal abnormalities in the baby, most women don't even know they're having them. I, on the other hand, decide to start peeing on stuff 4 days before I expect my period, get all excited about being pregnant, then boom, it's over. I really prefer blissful ignorance.
I'm extremely disappointed. I'm not devastated and bereft like I was with my ectopic baby (although I'm still worried that this is an ectopic after all) but I'm still disappointed.
I'm sorry if you're one of my close friends or family and I didn't tell you about it, and so help me if you lecture me about not telling you I will never tell you anything again. I was very worried about how faint the positive lines were, so I didn't want to tell anyone until I knew I was actually gonna have a baby. I didn't even tell Drew till he got home from work this afternoon.
I'd like to say I've learned a lesson here, to not test till I'm actually late for my period, but I know that's not gonna happen. I get caught up in the excitement and just can't help myself. I can just hope that next time I don't spend the money on the expensive tests.
I'm gonna leave the comments open, but please remember my hatred for platitudes. I already know there was something wrong with the baby, I already know it was God's plan, and I already know it happens to lots of women.
For now, my supper's ready. One steadfast rule of having hurricane evacuees: make dang sure they can all cook and/or pay for you at restaurants.
1 month ago