So today, I'm going to get what's called a hysterosalpingogram, or HSG. I'm hellafied nervous about it.
This is where you should stop reading.
I had one of these done in 2005, shortly after my ectopic pregnancy, so I kinda know what to expect. I'll get assaulted by a speculum and some dye will get shot into my uterus, then the dye will hopefully go easily through my fallopian tubes and then spill unchecked into my abdominal cavity. The magical x-ray machine will then take a picture of my reproductive organs. I will stand up and try to look reasonably dignified in my hospital gown while holding a towel between my legs to catch any remaining dye while listening to instructions from the radiologist's staff. I will then be free to get dressed and leave the hospital.
On my way home from the radiologist's office, my uterus, rebelling against the intrusion, will clench angrily for roughly an hour. Upon arriving home, I will lay on the couch and whine about my pain, watching The Real World and begging Drew to go get me one of those new Thin Mint Blizzards from Dairy Queen. (Duuuuude.) Should he protest, I will look at him and remind him that these are the things I'm putting my body through in order to prepare it for his child and he should shut up and ask if I want a medium or a large Blizzard and tell me I look pretty and that he loves me more than he did the day we were married.
Hopefully, my OB/GYN's nurse will call me next week and tell me whether or not my fallopian tubes are cleared for takeoff.
If yes, I buy a ticket on the crazy train and start trying for another baby.
If no, I get another surgery to clear endometrial tissue from my tubes and unblock them.
Either way, party.
3 weeks ago