Thursday, June 12, 2008

This post not approved for male readership

Still, I'll use metaphors.

Some months, Aunt Flo just comes in, does her thing, then leaves. She annoys me for about a day or two beforehand, then the requisite 5-7 day visit, but she doesn't make me regret the day God decided to make me a woman.

Other months, she decides she'll call and bother me every single day for about 2 weeks before her visit. She demands chili cheese fries and unholy amounts of chocolate every single day for those two weeks and curses me if I drink anything but water. She forces me to lay down on the couch and watch crappy TV. She convinces me that my husband is a huge jerk, the guy on the radio needs to be fired ASAP, and that the baby gate manufacturers HATE ME... yes, me specifically. She also has a voodoo doll of me, and takes those little pins and stabs me in the gut, over and over and over again, for 2 frickin' weeks.

Ugh. Sonic, here I come.

18 comments:

Jennifer said...

Welcome to my world.

regan said...

I miss Sonic.

HEATHER said...

This sounds like me every other month. Aunt Flo is a total biatch!

Kayra said...

I hear ya! I crave only junk food prior to aunt flo's arrival and gain (not kidding you) between 5-10lbs of water. by now, husband has figured it out, and stays out of my way during that time.

mayberry said...

I love being on Seasonale birth control. 4 visits a year. HOOAH!

The DP said...

I had that for a few months last year. Two weeks of aunt flo, and the other two weeks I was a hormonal mess. Then I got diagnosed with random adrenal gland/thyroid disorder mixed with pcos and now that I take massive amounts of pharmaceuticals I feel much better and weigh less and have normal monthly visits like I used to. Thyroid medicine is the way of the future. Go to doctor.

Stacey said...

I'm not having 2 weeks of aunt flo... I just have 2 weeks of PMS. It really, really sucks.

I know I have PCOS but since I don't have any amenorrhea anymore, I don't mind it so much.

Watercolor said...

I'm sorry. hugs!!! Want your m&m's back? (well, okay, I ate those.... but I could get you more!!!)

black betty said...

damn that aunt flow!

Susan said...

Sigh. Been there. Oh wait, there now. Sigh.

Melinda Barton said...

Mayberry, don't rub it in!

Stacey, I feel ya. I generally know Aunt Flo is on the train to Melinda Town when I suddenly find myself... it's so shameful... emoting! There, I said it. It's horrifying isn't it?

As for the pain, we all know about my threshhold. I broke 3 bones at ONCE without shedding a tear. Aunt Flo has kicked me so bad sometimes, I've been on my knees in a cold sweat bawling. And men think getting kicked in the balls is the worst thing you can experience. Please!

Marie said...

I totally understand Stacey. This month she is not being kind at all !!!

I LOVE myself a Dt. Coke from Sonic

*1NotSOcLUCKyRN* said...

And this, ladies, is the reason I think HYSTERECTOMY should be elected the NUMBER ONE SURGERY OF ALL TIME!!! I had all that crap out when I was 31...best day of my freakin' life!
Sorry it's sucking for ya, gf.

MAHNA MAHNA!!!
~:>

JesusThroughMary said...

I thought you were talking about Sonic the Hedgehog.

mayberry said...

I'm just sayin. I used to be practically bedridden during my cycle because it was so painful. I also think I was suffering from severe PMDD. The Seasonale has had it's ups and downs, but it's by far the best thing I've done for my womanly self EVER.

Frank Pesci, Jr. said...

so...
is this yer mother's sister?

sinister_n_evil said...

yeppers... pcod here too... but the endocryologist can do wonders ... I had actually hemoraged from aunt flo and with the pcod and had to have a dnc... the curse is something aweful... and a pain in the ass but well worth the perks... but rob needs to make up his mind if he wants one of his own... i am ready to have this factory shut down...

Deanna said...

My Aunt Flo brings so many stupid cousins: Migraines, Cramps, Swollen Tender Boobs, etc...

Never the same "cousin" each month... just one grouchy cousin at a time!