Last week, the happy Spiehler family went to visit the NICU's night nurses. We haven't been there at night in forever, which sucks, because the night nurses were so much more awesome than most of the day nurses. It just so happened that the nurses that were there were three of my favorites, including the one that took Ace when he was delivered. They weren't busy since they only had 2 babies (praise God) so we stood there talking for nearly an hour.
I started talking to them about the preemie parent support group I'm trying to start, and the only other time I reached out to another preemie mom while Ace was in the NICU. Her 24-weeker wasn't doing very well - kidneys weren't working, lungs weren't working, it wasn't looking good. I did some commiserating, gave her my number, and told her about the online preemie support group I belonged to at the time. I don't pray often at all, but I did that night. Fervently.
The next morning, the baby wasn't in the NICU. I hoped more than anything that he had been transferred to UMC, or to another hospital where his needs would be able to be met... but then I heard one of the nurses on the phone talking about filling out his death certificate.
I cried the whole way home that day. Luke was his name. I will never forget it.
They remembered that baby... and said that those parents would definitely love to have a support group. I said "you've spoken to them since?" Yes they have - in fact, they had another baby about a year after Luke passed away. I've been fairly stunned ever since. There have been moments in the time since Ace has been born that have been big slaps in the face for me. Sometimes people say truly meaningful things among all the platitudes and the smug "you'll-get-over-its" that really stick out and make me remember my desires to have 5 children. That was definitely just such a moment.
I think I've finally arrived at the decision to try to have another baby. Not right now, since I'm concentrating on finishing off that 25 pounds off of which I've already cut 10 pounds. But eventually.
Big step, right?
3 months ago
6 comments:
Absolutely. hugs!!
Very BIG STEP!! Good luck & God Bless!!
I have a friend who, 4 years ago in June, gave birth to a 22 week baby. Timber was so tiny, his dad's wedding ring went over his hand and all the way up to his shoulder. We prayed for him for months. We had a welcoming service for him the first time he got to leave the house. He goes to our preschool now. I don't know if he has any learning problems, but he certainly does like to get dirty and go barefoot!
I'm glad you have peace about it. I'll keep you and Drew in my prayers.
I am so happy for you. Making an important decision is not easy for me, either, so I congratulate you and look forward to hearing happy news in due time.
It's a gigantic step and I'm so happy to hear that fear you had is melting away. Just remember, I can never have too many honorary god-children. ;) xoxo
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