Thursday, March 27, 2008

UMC is off my Christmas card list

Dear accounting nincompoops at University Medical Center:

My son saw a physician through UMC in June. That doctor was covered, even though he's out-of-network, because it's not like Mississippi is swimming in pediatric neurologists. Somehow, you managed to pull your head out of your collective buttsfile the correct paperwork the first time, and you got paid the first time, fine and dandy.

He saw the same physician in October. I got a bill. I called to see why you sent me a bill, and you blamed my insurance company. I'm always willing to accept wrongdoing on the part of United HealthCare out of my seething hatred for them. I called the insurance company, and you had billed them using the wrong tax ID number, so they weren't paying you, so this was effectively your fault.

I called you back. You said you'd have to get some notification from United Healthcare that you had filed it incorrectly. That didn't make sense to me, but I called them back, and they said poppycock, you filed it wrong, you correct it.

I called you back and explained it again. You said you'd have your supervisor call me. I accepted that.

I got another bill. I called again, and you said there was a note in the system for a supervisor to call me. I reminded the lady of the correct tax ID number, and you

I got another bill, this one stamped in big red letters reading "final notice," saying that my bill would be sent to collections if I didn't pay by the end of the month. I called you again, a little feisty this time. I explained it again. Got transferred, explained it again, and explained that under no circumstance was this my fault, and if you would file the paperwork correctly, you'd get paid, and SO HELP ME GOD if you send me to collections there will be hell to pay. Was told that my "delinquent status" would be removed to give the supervisor, who may or may not exist, time to call me back and clear this up.

So I don't know if it's the fact that Ace is on his FIFTH tantrum since he woke up 45 minutes ago, or the fact that I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM A LAWYER TELLING ME THAT MY ACCOUNT IS ON ITS WAY TO A COLLECTIONS AGENCY, but I'm in a REALLY BAD CAPITAL LETTERS OF RAGE KINDA MOOD RIGHT NOW.

If you had told me in October that I'd have to fight for 5 months over SIXTY DOLLARS, I'd have paid it and said "have a lovely freaking day, you braindead morons." But now it's principle. Now you've seriously irritated me. If you would FILE THE PAPERWORK CORRECTLY, you would get paid. It's really very simple. I know I'm a college dropout, but it all makes A LOT OF SENSE TO ME.

Oh man. I need a margarita. But since I live in a dry county because apparently the same nincompoops that are running UMC's accounting department are also running this county, I'll have to settle for stress eating in the form of chili cheese fries from Krystal. Mmm.

8 comments:

Susan said...

For what it's worth, I work there and have had similar problems. I swear billing and accounting are where they send the morons who have been shuffled out of every other department.

EAB said...

Ugh, I feel your pain. They actually did send one of my mis-filed accounts to collections, even though I'd spoken to them about it on four prior occasions. I've had two other mis-handled bills -- matter of fact, not sure when I last got a CORRECT bill.

Oddly enough, I just got a 7783.00 bill in the mail today for Katherine's recent stay, which they don't seem to have bothered to file with BCBS. I foresee more nasty letters and calls in the future.

"THE" Rob Cerio said...

know, we got this new blender that makes incredible margaritas...

Truvie said...

It's not just UMC... I got a bill recently from Forrest General in Hattiesburg for charges that are "past due" from Macy's birth- SHE'S NINE YEARS OLD! When I called them, I just laughed!

black betty said...

i've been fighting with rankin medical center...yes, they are ALL nincompoops!!!

good luck!!!!!

From the Doghouse said...

Don't EVEN get me started on Rankin Medical Center BB!

Jennifer said...

I'm with Truvie--We're still dealing with weird bills coming from the hospital where Landon was delivered! Wait til you see what lover-ly things start to destroy your credit. People really piss me off sometimes! :oP

Webmaster said...

Want to solve your problem? Get on guidestar.org and pull up the hospital's tax return. It will have a list of the board members, and probably their addresses. Draft a letter about your experience, how you appreciated the doctor and the valuable service provided to your son, but you feel the billing office is unfairly targeting you and your family instead of correcting a simple clerical error. Point out that after repeated phone calls, they STILL turned you over to collections and you STILL haven't heard from the manager. You aren't trying to cause trouble, you just want to know what's going on.
Print out copies and mail one to each of the board members. Make sure to mail it to their home addresses, so their wives will open the letter and read how the hospital is walking all over y'all, and make their husbands do something about it.
Go straight to the top. Trust me, it works.