In which I talk about being a lard

So after a couple of weeks of eating whatever the heck I wanted and a hiatus from looking at the scale, I jumped on the other day. And by "jumped," I mean "stepped gingerly as though I was stepping on eggshells on top of newly hatched chicks on top of pregnant spiders." Either way, I was pleasantly surprised.

The most I ever weighed (if that scale was to be trusted) was 291, when I was 22. I remember hitting 280, then thinking, oh well, 300's right around the corner. I'll never stop myself. I totally gave up. I used to be able to eat an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups from Blockbuster in one sitting, and wish I had more.

Before I got pregnant with Ace, I weighed 267. I weighed 280 when I gave birth to him, and went flying back down to 255. I got stuck at 250, and although I was eating what I "should," I couldn't break it, no matter how gingerly I stepped on the scale.

I was 244 this morning. Yeah, so I'm still a lard. But a 50-pound weight loss in 4 years is pretty good. Plus, my blood sugar's under control, no more hypoglycemia, and at my last check, my cholesterol was 157.

I think I eat healthy now. It's taken 5 years, but over a very slow gradual shift, I've gone from eating really badly to eating really well. I eat lots of vegetables, some fruit, lots of chicken, lean pork, and fish, olive oil instead of butter, whole grains, and very little sugary/processed/fried stuff. (Unless I've got a visitor. Then it's on like Donkey Kong.) I do stress-eat every once in a while, and probably eat fast food 2-3 times a week, but I am actively trying to avoid that. Thing is, while I eat healthy, I eat a lot. I've tried and tried and tried and tried to avoid eating as much as I do. It simply does NOT work for me.

I decided the other day that I'm going to stop trying. I'm going to stop monitoring every bite I take. I eat 3 big, healthy meals per day, and a few snackages in between. When I eat the way I want, I'm not hungry. When I eat the way I "should," I'm ALWAYS hungry, which only serves to tick me right off. The only diet I ever liked was the Atkins diet; I ate everything I wanted to eat in large quantities, and lost almost 20 pounds. I hate that I can't do it here, but it's too hard to do when family lives so close. Mom's always bringing some white beans over and I'll be darned if I ain't eatin' my mama's white beans. Uh-uh.

So clearly, eating what I want has worked. I think I weighed around 240 in college. I don't give a crap about target weights or BMI or height to weight ratios. I'm just going to stop stressing about the whole thing, keep doin' what I'm doing, and walk more. I've got 2 charity walks to do next month, and while they're only 3 miles apiece, that's 3 miles further than I walk in any given day. I need to build up some endurance. I don't have a goal weight; I'll just stop losing weight when my body stops.

I think I have a good plan.

Tonight's supper: sauteed tilapia with spinach rotini and asparagus. Mmmmmmm.