I know that I've heaped such praise on Drew in the past few weeks that I've started to sound a little Stepford Wife-ish, but I'd like to file a formal complaint with the Board of Husbands. Somebody get me their e-mail address.
A couple of nights ago, he made the worst mistake, ever. Even worse than that time he dated a bisexual atheist (I know, random, right?). Worse than that time he bought a car with no power anything (manual LOCKS? Come on) because he wanted the blue car instead of the green one. Yes, worse than that.
He chose to tell me, his clinically arachnaphobic wife, that pregnant spiders can basically explode into a billion baby spiders if you step on them. That they carry them on their backs, and if you step on the mama spider, you won't kill the baby spiders and they'll crawl all over you.
I have not been this horrified since that time that Lauren told me that red ants, in a flood situation, will like hold hands or something in the water and make this giant ball and will attach themselves to anything with which they come into contact, and crawl all over it until they hit the surface. As if I weren't scared enough of being caught in a flood.
Now, whenever I step on a rock, a twig, heck, even a leaf, I let out a little shriek and I jump to the side and imagine a billion baby spiders biding their time on my flip-flop till they can get to my nice, meaty, biteable foot. And to think, I had just built up the courage to kill spiders in my home. Back to the old put-a-cup-over-it-till-Drew-gets-home trick.
Please, please someone tell me that my husband was lying. I'd rather think that he risked my trust than think that spiders can really do this.
Also, please leave a comment if you're willing to take Ace camping. I tell you, it will NEVER happen, and I feel a little sorry for my little boy.
2 weeks ago