Child.

Child is only napping less than 2 hours per day.

Cranky all day, must be held and walked around or screams. Not held. Held and walked around. Or screams. Child no longer likes napping in swing.

Child is cranky all day.

Child will have to sleep naked tonight if mother doesn't get to do some laundry. Mother hasn't done laundry since before Thanksgiving. Child is now without pajamas.

Mother slowly pulling hair out. Father is little help because father thought it was a great idea to take graduate classes during child's first year of life. Father was WRONG. Father had better hope that the end of this semester comes quickly, because this has been the longest semester of the mother's life. Mother stands in awe of single mothers.

Mother refuses to use television as soothing mechanism except as a very last resort. Mother does not want to use television as a babysitter, though admits it's very effective. Has only done it twice since child's arrival home from hospital. Felt hella guilty both times. Television is bad for the brain. Look at uncle.

Child has been crying in crib for ten minutes now. "Crying it out" is bull**** and a completely ineffective way of retraining a child's sleep patterns. Mother would like to punch the person who came up with such an abusive phrase. Mother must go, is preparing for a long, long day of walking around with 16 pound weight.