Isn't it embarassing when you send someone a $20 gift card for a special event in their life, and they send you at least $75 worth of presents for a similar event in yours, especially when you know you could afford to drop $75 on them, as well?
Anyway, I'm going through a dilemma here. The nipple shields didn't quite work. While Ace was able to latch on, after having received instant gratification in the form of a bottle nipple for a month, he was none too pleased with having to work harder for his food. No, none too pleased at all.
I'm going to give you instructions on how to live my life now.
Get into a nice, cuddly, deep sleep for 2 hours, then wake yourself up, listen to something screaming or whining (Amy Lee of Evanescence will do) for 10-15 minutes (that's him fussing while I warm up the bottle and change his diaper), then sit still for about 5 minutes, then pat yourself for another 5 (that's feeding and burping), repeat the last 2 steps at least 4 more times. Then, sit still for another 10 minutes (that's me getting him back to sleep and making sure he doesn't have anymore trapped gas). Then pinch and twist your nipples for 15 minutes. Then, since you have a loving and wonderful husband who will take the second feeding since he gets up that early anyway, sit up in bed and pinch and twist your nipples for another 15 minutes. Do it every night.
Then, during the day, pinch and twist your nipples for 15 minutes every 3 hours or so. For at least 3 of these sessions, make sure there's something screaming in your ear. (Watch an episode of Jerry Springer.) (That, by the way, is Ace wanting to be held while I'm pumping. Trying to balance a pump on each boob and try to soothe a baby that just wants to be held is NOT EASY.)
What's that you say, your nipples hurt? Every time your shirt touches them you want to cry? Heaven forbid your child should drag his feet against them because you'll bark with pain? Go ahead, rub a little lotion on them. See if that makes a doggone bit of difference.
My mom says I need to just set a date, and stop on that date. Why can I not do it? Why can't I bring myself to stop doing something I hate doing so much? There's nothing wrong with formula, Ace's pediatrician said so - and we can afford it. Even the organic stuff, giant hippie that I am. So what's the problem here?
I wish I had time to see my therapist.
1 month ago