Friday, September 22, 2006

Memorandums

Attention Dave and Rob:
Thank you, oh so much, for putting the notion into my husband's head that somewhere between graduate classes, a full time job, and a newborn baby that he somehow has time to build a shed. Now I will never get a shed, because y'all had to be all "You man. You not buy pre-fab shed from Home Depot and make woman happy. You build shed. Ug." The class he is currently taking lasts until December, at which point it will be too cold to build a shed, and then he'll start another class, and then another, and then another, until the year of our Lord TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT. Either y'all get your butts up here and build me a shed OR convince Drew to buy me one or there will be no FryDay, so help me peanut oil.
Thank you,
The Wife

Attention Ace:
Remember last weekend how you slept for 6 hours straight? Do that again. I love you. Keep making those cute little noises in your sleep because they make me love you more.
Thank you,
The Mommy

Attention all drivers:
If you are carrying cargo which prevents you from driving more than 40 miles an hour, you lose your interstate privileges. I don't care if your cargo is a double-wide or the burden of a really light foot. There are highways for that. Interstates are for going fast. Vroom vroom, look at me, 70 miles per hour. You? Off the interstate. Also, should you need to hold a conversation with the driver of the car in front of you, you are not allowed to pull up alongside him, slow to 50, and talk about... whatever the heck it's so important to talk about that you can't wait or for heaven's sake join the century and buy yourself a cell phone. I will absolutely LAY on my horn, jacking up your conversation anyway, because that's just the kind of person I am.
Thank you,
The Woman in the Jeep who REALLY has road rage issues

Attention crappy organic cereal the name of which I've forgotten but I'm sure it has the word "zen" somewhere in it:
I paid the sale price of $3 apiece for your cereal, which is normally $4.50. I realize I'm going to pay more money for less product - that's my punishment for being all organic. But are you freakin' kidding me with this:















Thank you,
The woman who just paid $4.50 for a WHOLE box of organic Honey Nut Cheerio Knock-Offs (tm).

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, can I get those organic zen people to pack my suitcases for vacation? Looks like they've got the "settles during shipping" thing down pat, baby!

Rob the Webkahunah said...

I'd be worried, but I know it's just the lack of sleep and sore nips talking here, toots. Who would you really be punishing if you had no Fryday this year?

You.

shiksa said...

You absolutely kill me. And withholding Fryday is a pretty good punishment, one I'm not sure I would be strong enough to enforce. You are a better woman than I.

Brou HahHah said...

Now, now.. let's not go there. I have many wonderful things to fry. How about a Milky Way? Or a Reese's?

Let me get done with the flooring and painting at Casa Brouhahhah and it's on! Did you still want to do the 8x12 or BIGGER? Gaar!

Brou HahHah said...

First I have a relevant entry about experience with pre-fab shed on my blog. Second, I figure if we wait a bit, Ace will be able to lug a wheelbarrow by about age... 3? Can't be too young to give the boy some broad shoulders.

shiksa said...

Also, I read this aloud to Frank today and we both laughed waaaaaaay too much. I think the one about the road rage was his fave. P.S. Going to be in Baton Rouge the weekend of October 5 for a wedding, any chance of meeting you guys for coffee somewhere?

Melinda Barton said...

Unfortunately, I'm a bit too far away to help with shed-building. A little lesbian chest-thumping could deflate the male ego a little bit.