Get yer hair did

A general pet peeve list concerning hairstylists. Pay attention.

1. Do not walk away constantly to answer the phone. There are 3 other stylists in the salon. Let them do it.

2. When washing my hair, do not scrub my scalp as if my hair follicles are baked-on lasagna and your fingernails are the brillo pad. Light scrubbing. Use fingertips. No fingernails. If you must use fingernails, use them lightly. Please.

3. When brushing my hair after washing it (without conditioner!!!!!), don't flip it around in such a way that it inevitably tangles then say I have something sticky in there. You tangled it. Your fault.

4. When you ask if I've just come out of the hospital, then point at my bracelet, listen to me when I explain why I have the bracelet on. Don't let me finish my explanation, then give me an airheaded "hmmm?" If you didn't care what I had to say, don't ask. (Okay, this goes for everyone.)

5. When layering my hair, DO NOT raise my hair above my head before you chop off the ends, so all of the little chunks of hair land all over my head, only to fall all over my face, arms, shirt, and neck after I leave your shop. I've been to so many stylists that don't need to do that when cutting layers, so just stop it. I feel like I have ants crawling all over me, and I can't shower, because I'd have to change my gauze and I don't wanna. This is probably my biggest pet peeve, because I hate hate hate little chunks of hair being all over me. GAaaaahhhhhh!!!

6. Stop hitting my freakin' ears with the comb. Seriously. They're still red.

7. If you hit a tangle, stop pulling. No, stop pulling. Every time you yank, I'm yanking a dollar off your tip.

8. If I'm paying you to dry my hair, don't halfass it. Especially since you didn't put any conditioner in there. Also, I know I'm not paying you to style it, but could you throw me a freakin' bone here? Some gel or anti-frizz serum, please? I left looking like a poodle. Thanks.