sugar and a free puppy

I saw a sign at a business once that said "unattended children will be given sugar and a free puppy." I saw another one that said "unattended children will be sold as slaves." It's freakin' genius if you ask me.

Drew and I went to our fave local Chinese buffet yesterday. We got to our table, ordered our drinks, I washed my hands, got my food, sat down. I notice at a nearby table 3 children under the age of 8-ish sitting by themselves. Their table is absolute bedlam. The older girl was working on her food while a 2-year-old girl is under the table eating food off the floor. Their brother, who is about 5, is screaming at people as they walk past. Drew and I couldn't even hear each other talk over this screaming child. I make a snide "Where are their parents??" remark to Drew, and the girl at the table next to us heard me. She said "I passed by their table earlier and he hit me." Nice.

I'm at least halfway through my food, and Drew has gone up for his second of many plates of sushi when the mother deigns to return to the table, plate piled high with crab legs. I'm not sure where she was for 5 minutes, if all she wanted was crab legs. Perhaps she was grazing. It is a buffet, after all.

For the next few minutes, I watch her attempts to discipline her children and to eat her crab legs - both pathetic. The toddler has emerged from beneath the table and has started jumping up and down on her seat, throwing food at her brother. Mom says "sit down" twice, girl looks at her, starts jumping again, mom goes back to the crab legs. Score: brat 1, mom 0.

Well, the time comes where mom needs more food. She probably only consumed 2 and a half crab legs, surely she's still hungry. She leaves the table in the 8-year-old's capable hands. Before long, the boy is screaming again, and has stood up and started threatening to hit passers-by. He reared his hands back to hit about 5 people, then sat down and started screaming again. The 8-year-old leaves the table in the 5-year-old's capable hands, and the 2-year-old stands up ON the table. Mom comes back with another plate of food, gives ME a dirty look (and I swear to you, dear readers, on my blog itself that I wasn't giving her children looks - I was just witness to their reign of terror), swats the boy on his behind, and starts eating again.

FI-NA-LLY, they leave. Their table is a horrendous mess. Fried rice everywhere, plates on the floor, sweet and sour sauce on the seats.

Sigh. Who does this woman expect her children to be when they grow up?

Heading to New Orleans today for the first time in a year. Of course, we don't plan on much - a visit to Whole Foods, Restoration Hardware, and Cafe du Monde. Tomorrow is Emily's wedding brunch, which is in fact the whole reason we're going. The rest is up to fate. Next week is Greek Fest (OPA!!!) so hopefully we'll get out a little more then. Y'all have a good weekend!!