Monday, May 01, 2006

On my last nerve.

Check the time stamp. Yes, it's 7 in the morning. And I'm awake and have been for an hour. Why would a housewife with nowhere to go, no children, and no duties that require wakefulness before, say, 9, in fact be awake at 6? I'll give you three guesses.

That's right. Nimbus, Nimbus, and Nimbus.

Y'all might think it's funny, but you've never been in my shoes. I used to get really, really angry at the boy. I've never hit him (okay, I've bopped him lightly on the nose for chewing on something when a loud "no" didn't work) but I've done my fair share of yelling. I've got a pretty short Branson-family fuse, and the less sleep I get, the shorter my fuse gets. Drew and I have gotten in fights over him. While I wish no harm on him, I just don't like him, and would probably be happier if he were somewhere else. He has no redeeming values that make up for the fact that he's just a huge, loud, pain in the butt.

He wakes us up around 4 times a night to be let outside or inside. Actually, since I got earplugs, Drew gets woken up around 3 times a night, and I'm, without fail, woken up once, maybe twice. This does not include the fact that he wants to be let in and out 2-3 times before we go to bed, starting at around 7. And then a few more times in the morning, just for funsies.

He cannot be ignored. He gets exponentially louder, until such a point as he shatters eardrums. I know he's at least louder than 35 decibels, because that's what my earplugs block. When he's inside, his yelling is absolutely intolerable. When he's outside, I'm sure he'll wake a neighbor and he starts chewing on our weather stripping, which Drew's already had to replace once, in both our garage and our front door. He can't be told no and he can't be distracted.

I've put food outside in the hopes that the reason he wants in during the night is to get food. It didn't help. He just comes inside, looks around, then starts screaming bloody murder to be let outside again.

I can't put a cat door in the back door because it's made mostly of glass, and I'll get rid of him before I pay upwards of $1000 to replace a perfectly good French door set with one that will accomodate a cat door for a cat I don't even like. I won't put a cat door in the front door, because that's straight up ugly, and I won't ruin a door that would cost me upwards of $1000 to replace when we move.

I have already tried to keep him up all day so he'd sleep at night. Didn't work.

I've got about 3 and a half months to find a solution. I'm going to have to stop wearing earplugs when the kid's born, because like many new mothers I'm sure I'll need to rush to his side any time I don't hear him breathing and will fall off my bed to get to him every time he coughs - besides, I'm going to have to be the one waking up with him - Drew can't exactly breastfeed. I will not be woken up 3-4 times a night by a child that I love more than life itself only to be woken up by a cat I don't like an additional 3-4 times a night.

I'd like to make him an outside cat permanently, but I don't know how that'd work without him pooping in my garden or my neighbor's garden. Cat poop in a garden does not smell good on a hot summer day. We had a neighbor in El Segundo whose cat was an outside cat, and he was constantly pooping in the front garden. There were so many poops that it was hard to find actual dirt. It STUNK in front of our apartment, and occasionally, the smell would waft inside.

I'm open to suggestions to rectify this situation, though chances are, I've already thought of them.

And so help me, if any of you even dares chide me for not being an animal lover, you can come to my house and walk around in my shoes for a week, and see how much sleep you get. I've just about had it up to here.


Dyno-Man said...

What about a cat door off to the side of your doors in the kitchen? Cut through some sheet rock, hit the outside with the ol' rotozip, and voila!

Is the cat always one of those that wants attention 24/7, or is it just curious?

Drew said...

We'd have to cut through brick too.

cncz said...

you know, dearly departed couz got on my mom's last nerve, he cried and cried (once we locked him out of the bedroom just to see how long he would flip out and he cried LOUD for six hours, I still feel guilty) and had to sit on her and chew on things and puke up furballs on expensive things. He also woke her up earlier than her wake up time to be fed and petted (and we all know how little sleep my mom gets) now she cries just thinking about how much she misses him. I'm just sayin.

Melinda Barton said...

Don't know what to do about the cat. Just wanted you to know you put the image of Drew breastfeeding in my head and for that, I can never forgive you.

Stacey said...

DM - Drew's right, we'd have to cut through brick. And no, when he's not being a gigantic turd, he's a very laid back cat. He wants attention every once in a while in the form of cuddles, but other than that, he stays out of the way.

cncz - Yes, difference being, your mom liked him. Drew's liking of Nimbus is Nimbus' only saving grace right now.

melinda - It's probably less sinful than the breasts that usually float through your head...