Friday, April 07, 2006

Bad dates

I, like all people, have had a bad date. I'm not talking about the fruit, I'm talking about the people we go out with in hopes of lasting romance only to find out that the only lasting thing in the aftermath of their presence is a distaste for the opposite sex.

I haven't been on a lot of dates. One was with the Army Reserve guy who Rob said walked like a duck and gently reminded that I was to be home safe, or else. This was a relatively fun date, as much as I can remember, but he reminded me too much of my cousin James... so definitely no spark. Another was with a guy that Rob thought was weird, and basically threatened to shoot if I didn't come home safely. Again, relatively fun, but as soon as he told me he shaved all his body hair and that he wanted to be a stripper, I knew it might not work out.

Then, there was the worst date in the history of dates. He came on WAY too strong, and... well, that was about it. I won't go into it, but my roommate told me I "should have groined him and taken his car." In hindsight, after all he did, battery and grand theft auto would have been worth it to get out of this date. He worked at the same place as my mom's neighbor, and when she found out that I went on a date with him, she was appalled. She told me he was 32. He told me he was 24. I was 18. (By the way, if you're wondering where Rob was, I met him for the first time RIGHT after this date, and he asked me if I wanted him to go mess the guy up a little.)

Now, there was nothing wrong with the Army guy. I'm sure he went on to find lasting happiness and all that jazz. The stripper wasn't so bad, he treated me respectfully, and I'm sure found a sweet girl to love. Probably named Kiki.

But guy number three. I have to honestly wonder if he ever found a girl who saw through all of his slime and fell in love with him. The guy was a giant jerk, a liar, and a pervert. Did he grow up any, or is he still alone and lying about his age? But was it just me, I wonder, or did every woman he dated inspire the ick he presented?

I never dated Drew. We basically went from being the bestest of friends and knowing everything there was to know about each other to being in love and engaged within a matter of hours. (Okay, weeks, but you catch my drift.) I'm glad we did what we did, and didn't take anything slowly, because we didn't have time for the mind games that seem to inevitably pop up during casual dating. Honestly though, dating makes me think that the people who arrange their children's marriages have the right idea.

So, fess up. What were your worst dates, and do you think it was a lack of chemistry thing or because the other person was simply horrible?

(In other news, I want a donut so badly right now that I'd be willing to sell my left arm for it. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, just hit the local grocery store or gas station for a pack of Krispy Kremes, right? No. I want a long john - no, not an eclair - from The Donut Bank in Newburgh, Indiana, the kind Daddy used to bring home when I was a kid, and still brings home every time I visit.)


Melinda Barton said...

Bad dates? hmmmmmmmm... Well, there was the one where my "friend" hooked me up with a woman who had children older than me and was horribly unattractive both inside and out. The inside is of course what mattered most. Or the one where I was the bad boring date who hadn't slept in two days and was on new meds that made me all anxious and jumpy. And let's not forget that the restaurant she picked burnt my steak, which was my picky fault b/c I didn't know that well-done means burnt around here. Also, I had to fight with her to let me pay for dinner. When the date didn't work out and I didn't get the promised hot... ummm... coffee, she actually offered to give me money for dinner. (After I'd already paid and we'd left the rest.) So, basically, (thanks to my let me be the man crap) she thought I thought I was paying for dinner in exchange for... ummm... coffee. Obviously doesn't know me. And to make matters worse, i had to go home and have... ummm... tea all by my lonesome. too bad too, b/c she was a great girl and totally sexy, brilliant, funny etc. Dangit!

DatingWriter said...

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I am collecting stories to use in a future book.

Here's to better dates!

Becca said...

I think I remember the shorn stripper dude....