Look, I know I didn't invent pregnancy. I know I'm not the first one to have these feelings. I always thought it was a little silly when other pregnant women said the things I'm about to say, and here I go.
Yesterday, when I was hearing my baby's heart thump along at a healthy 160 beats per minute, something changed. I've seen my kid 3 times on ultrasound now, but there's something strange about just hearing the baby instead of seeing and hearing it. Perhaps it's the lack of visual stimuli, the fact that I have to imagine my baby, swimming around, but something definitely changed.
I think I had some moment of epiphany that there's actually a living, breathing human being inside of me. Yes, I've known that all along, and I've been happy about it all along, but it's seriously just blowing my mind right now that I'm growing something - not just some THING, a PERSON. Part me, part Drew, all baby. Maybe the wall I've had built up because I've been scared to feel anything for my baby but primal protection just dropped, but something totally changed yesterday.
I tried to express this to Drew last night, and it was an abysmal failure. He just looked at me like I was a little crazy. I asked him why he doesn't talk to my belly, and he said "Well, I wouldn't know what to say. Hi, Mr. Belly?" I just went back to staring at my belly in awe, and sending thoughts of love to the baby.
Mom came back to our house a couple of days ago with a stroller and a car seat, with the perfect pattern, perfect color, perfect system, everything. (Yes, I know I'm only 15 weeks along, but honestly, I'm surprised my mom waited this long.) I was playing with the car seat, and it dawned on me that in 6 months, MY CHILD will be sitting in that car seat, hopefully sleeping.
I guess that before, I just felt like Drew does now. Yeah, crazy lady, there's a kid inside there, did I need to explain that to you? Now, I'm actually saying things that I've heard every single pregnant woman say, and wondering why everyone doesn't feel the same awe that I feel.
I really, really want fried mozzarella sticks.
1 week ago