Thursday, December 22, 2005

Rules for driving

But first - today is Meme's birthday. That's my grandmother, for those who aren't "in the know." Tuesday was my cousin Rebecca's birthday. A big happy birthday to both of you, even though y'all totally don't read my blog. Now, on to driving.

The Rules of Driving in Jackson, Mississippi:
1. Nobody needs a single-wide any time during rush hour. Please wait until after 8 to take up the 2 lanes necessary to accommodate your oversized load.
2. If you're getting on 55 North from 20 West, there's plenty of time to get over to the 2 right lanes after you go over Highway 49.
3. That little area on I-55 between the Fortification and Lakeland exits, also known as the "waterworks curve," is extremely tricky. The speed limit there is 50 and you heed it. Speed anywhere else on the interstate - it's your ticket. But on the waterworks curve, don't. You're causing wrecks and giving everyone else a headache.

The Rules of Driving in General.
1. If I need to get over, and am using my turn signal, and I see you speeding up like a big fat jerk so I can't get over, I'm going to do it anyway. That's the brakes. (Get it? Brakes?)
2. Just use your turn signal. I'll slow down and let you in. I don't care if you're driving a Miata or a Mack Truck. I'll let you in. That's what turn signals are for. Don't come screaming over at the last second before your exit comes up.
3. Don't weave in and out of traffic like a goober. If you jump in front of someone, you'll make him slam on his brakes and cause more traffic. Seriously, the weaving gets you nowhere except to your destination about 3 seconds earlier.
3a. Especially don't jump around me right before your exit. You just look stupid.
4. If you're stuck in a traffic jam, turn your radio down. This is traffic, not a rave.
5. Just turn your radio down anyway. If I wanted to hear it, I'd be listening to it. Unless you're on the interstate with miles of empty road ahead of and behind you, and you just can't resist thumping "La Isla Bonita," (a compulsion I think everyone understands), just turn your radio down.
6. Resist the temptation to put any kind of bumper stickers on your car with dirty words in them, you greased out white trash idiot. I saw the "Powered by t*ts and a**" bumper sticker redneck again today and found my annoyance anew.
7. Do not. I repeat, do not. Do NOT. Do not smoke with your children in the car. I could not be more serious about this, or more annoyed that anyone should have to be told this. I want more than anything for it to be illegal for people to do this. Children aren't allowed to smoke, why should parents be allowed to force their children to breathe second hand poison? It makes no sense. And no, it doesn't make a difference if you roll your window down.

Okay, so many of these weren't driving rules as much as reminders to be courteous. What are your pet peeves when it comes to other drivers?


shiksa said...

In Boston, the city saves money by not painting lines on streets. It is a constant guessing game as to whether or not there are two or three lanes. Boston drivers love to 'form their own lane' and then cut you off from the aforementioned invisible lane. I don't drive in Boston. It gives me grey hair.

Christopher McLaughlin said...

Where's the ol's school spirit, emh? Boston is a great place in which to drive. It's the only city where those pesky pedestrians do NOT have the right of way. Most of them know it too. And the others usually only need one reminder. It's not the Boston drivers giving you grey hair. It's those out of town tourists committing unpredictable acts of courtesy who are the real menace!