Saturday, October 08, 2005

ranty rant...

I got my hair cut the other day, and when the stylist was all finished, I was horrified to learn that they don't accept plastic. Unfortunately, I rarely carry cash, so I had to let this poor lady trust me to go get some money. Embarassed to have to make this lady trust me with her wage, I ran into CVS (which was closer than my bank) and grabbed the closest thing, which happened to be a Cosmopolitan magazine. I got the necessary amount of cash back, ran back to the stylist, handed her her moola, and made sure for the future that she does indeed accept checks.

I generally don't like Cosmo. Let me list a few reasons.

1. In their ad nauseam sex tips articles, they always come up with more juvenile ways to refer to genetalia. I won't list them, but suffice it to say it's the kind of stuff that makes a normal person roll her eyes and a 13-year-old giggle. Say "breasts," y'all, not "bazoombas." Sheesh.
2. It's about the same crap every single issue. Really, how many different ways can you advise a woman how to have sex? Cosmo's been around a LONG time - there's nothing new in there.
3. Also in the ad nauseam sex tips articles, they never list anything from a woman who says what she does for her husband or from a man who says what he does for his wife. It's always "my girlfriend," "my man," "my boy-toy," whatever. Heaven forbid a fun, fearless female marry.
4. Inevitably in their health tips, they always say "don't smoke." They hate on smoking and complain about how awful it is for you, which is wholly valid. However, somewhere within the magazine is always an ad for cigarettes. Hello?
5. They actually have ads FOR MEN. What self-respecting, heterosexual, non-metrosexual man reads Cosmo? Unless, of course, it's on the back of the toilet and they have nothing else to read? Oh, and how many men's magazines have ads for women? Ever seen an article for how to paint your nails in Esquire?
6. Pay attention, because this is actually the point of this particular rant. Cosmo is purportedly for self-respecting feminists everywhere. Unfortunately, the magazine inevitably has an article spewing the most anti-feminist drivel ever. For example...

On page 142 of this month's Cosmo is an article on how to keep your man faithful. There's so much wrong with this that I don't know where to start. The article is entitled "How Much Attention Does Your Guy Need?" with the subline "Determining your man's TLC set point can be tricky. But keeping him faithful could depend on it. Read on." I was appalled.

Unfortunately, next to that is a picture of the unfortunately fashion-inspired Sienna Miller and her philandering cad of an ex, Jude Law. So she MUST have done something wrong, else he wouldn't have boinked the nanny, right? At least that's what *I* got from the title coupled with that picture.

Ladies, there is nothing you can do to make your man be faithful. He is either faithful, or he is not. Yes, treat him well, respect him, love him, do nice things for him (and expect all of that in return), but if he wants to be unfaithful, that is his problem, not yours. There is no excuse whatsoever for being unfaithful, and I challenge anyone reading my blog right now to come up with some comment to prove me wrong. I don't care if he's drunk. I don't care if it was just a one-time thing and he doesn't have feelings for her. I don't care if you withhold your affections for 2 years, that does not give your man an excuse to be unfaithful. I don't care if you're a hormonal raving banshee, your man should not cheat. The same goes for you, ladies. There's no excuse for you to cheat, either. It's ridiculous, it's a dangerous game, and it's not something self-respecting women do.

Ridiculous. This article just ticked me off and reminded me why I don't buy Cosmo. If you are concerned about your man cheating, you do not trust him and you should not be with him, period. I hate to over-simplify things, but that's the facts, kids. UGH. Such anti-woman nonsense. Grrrr...

Oh, and at the bottom, there's a little snippet saying things you should never have to stoop to doing. One is "Sit through golf on TV." Love is compromise, folks. If you expect him to watch Desperate Housewives with you, you should expect to watch golf with him.


Sherry said...

ROFL I can't believe you bought that stupid magazine for any reason! You should have bought cinnamon Altoids instead. Or a Reader's Digest. Or a Diet Coke. But you are soooo right, there is nothing a woman can do (or not do) to keep her *man* from cheating on her. If he doesn't have character, and can find a willing partner, it's gonna happen no matter what his *woman* does or doesn't do.

Melinda said...

I so love you for hating Cosmo! By the way, everyone always talks about what they'd do if someone cheated on them or mistreated them in any way. Leaving in that circumstance is about loving yourself. IF you actually love the other person, you'd leave before you even thought of cheating on them or mistreating them. Yeah, I know, a morally conservative thought out of Melinda. shhhhhhhh Don't tell anyone! It'll be our little secret.