Memorandums

To the lady at the gym yesterday who was fully made up and had your hair all fly and didn't sweat a drop although you were doing serious cardio: How in the...

To ladies at the gym who come in looking like Superwoman (see above) and then get all Tammy Bakker with your makeup running down your faces and stuff: Just stop. I'm not hating on you, but seriously, you can't come in looking like you've just gotten off of Extreme Makeover and expect to walk out of the gym after doing an hour of cardio still looking the same. And if you feel the need to dress up for that hottie that works out there, back off, he's married to me. Oh, and there's a room just for the ladies. Use it.

To Nick and Jessica: Stick it out, y'all. Take yourselves out of the public eye if necessary. Your marriage is a sacred thing that nobody in your industry takes seriously and needs to be maintained more than your respective images. (Side note: I wonder how hard it is to maintain a marriage when everyone in your entourage is just waiting for you to break up? I know it was hard on me and Drew when everyone around us thought we were just getting married because I was pregnant - which I wasn't - but how much harder would it have been if they had all said our marriage was going to end immediately after we married?)

To Wilma: Just float back out from the Gulf to the ocean and die. Leave us all alone.

Thank you,
The Management