I have fought with depression since I was a teenager, and I'm afraid I'm not fighting very hard right now. A lot of stuff has gone on lately and I'm feeling a tad hermit-ish, which alone wouldn't be very indicative of depression, but several other things are.
For example, I was invited to my stepdad's mom's family reunion. This woman is very much like a grandmother to me, and good and old, and I should spend time with her and I would love to meet the rest of her family. It sounds like it'd probably be a lot of fun, and filled with some serious Southern cooking, but I just can't bring myself to commit to going and I'm hating myself for it.
Also, my fooey friend invited me to go with her and another friend (who really needs support right now) to the beach next week, either Pensacola or Biloxi. Sounds like a blast, right? Can't bring myself to want to do this either. It'll cost money that we don't really have because I'm not working AND I hate driving more than an hour by myself, but I don't think that's really what's keeping me.
The thing that's lame is that these two trips would really tie into each other well. I could go to the family reunion and gorge myself on cornbread and green beans (oh, sweet mercy...), drive my grandma home (to New Orleans) and head out with Foofoo (who, conveniently, is in New Orleans) and friend to a day of sand and surf the next day. That'd save my stepdad 5 hours' worth of driving and give me a chance to spend time with my grandma.
Ugh. I just don't feel like it. I want to stay home and garden. I want to sew the pillows I promised my mom 3 months ago. I want to play on the Internet and watch TV. I don't want to break my diet. I don't want to sunburn. I don't want to drive that long. (Both trips, by the way, would be over 5 hours long one way. I hate road trips.)
I'm afraid I'm going into depression mode, y'all. Now I'm afraid I'm going to offend Foofoo, who I love dearly, even though I know she'll understand because she's felt this way before too.
Blech... before I keep whining, pray for me. Thank you.
3 months ago
5 comments:
I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I wish I was there, but since I am not please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Just a little something to cheer you up
-Megan is losing another tooth and just learned to ride her bike (yes all by herself and without training wheels!!)
-Danielle just informed me a day ago that she is hopping on a plane to see you (hope she knows how to drive otherwise it will be a long walk to the airport! You know me!)
-Ashley was talking to me the other day and said Mama (I love it when she calls me that) I have alot of fingers, alot of hearts and ALOT of Jesus! It just tickles my heart to hear my children talk about Jesus.
Anyhow I hope this brought a smile to your face. Please come and see us soon. We all miss you so much.
I love you!!
*BIG HUG*
I'll be there as soon as possible...with chocolate. :)
I wish you lived closer. I can't get to you by streetcar. AT least, not without getting in a WHOLE LOT of trouble. I'll pray for you...I just have to figure out how to say Brast Smboo in Hebrew...
I've been going through the same thing for about three years now. :)
I know a guy that lives in my apartments that's invited me to go to a few places and I've politely refused each time.
Hey Stacey, I know how you feel. You are in my prayers. Glad to see (from your most recent entry) that you're feeling better. Sorry I didn't comment sooner--I'm not reading blogs as frequently as I used to.
Take care o' yourself!
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