Memorandums

To the guy who left his dog on a chain wrapped haphazardly around the pole of the stop sign at the edge of my neighborhood:
You almost made me late to work. Thank you for all the work you're doing on my subdivision, but for goodness' sakes, if you're just going to "run to the store," take your dog with you. Don't leave him wrapped around a stop sign. If you had been two minutes later, your dog would have been at the vet up the street. And he got my pants dirty.

To everyone who drives on the interstate:
If you are going to drive on the interstate, please at least go the speed limit. Interstates are not for Sunday drives. Especially at rush hour.

To everyone driving through Jackson on I-55:
When it says the speed limit is 50, heed that warning. The curves get kinda ill right around the Fortification and Woodrow Wilson exits, so please, please drive slowly. Especially at rush hour.

To anyone who calls where I'm working today:
Please be patient with me. I am sucking at this job, the phone system is tremendously complicated as is the transfer system they have here for some reason, and I'm having a really hard time situating calls. Be patient. And when it takes a second for me to transfer a call, don't start talking about me immediately, because I can hear you. And if I say "would you like to leave her a voice mail," say "Yes please," not "Sure," as if I've just asked you to watch my pet rock for the weekend.

Thank you,
The management