Thursday, November 10, 2011

A letter

I wrote two of the pastors in my church an email last night. It kinda sums up the things I was feeling the other night, so I'll cheat on today's blog post and copy and paste it here. Doug is the head pastor, and Steve is kinda the head of worship and media and all kinds of other things and leads my small group. And believe me when I say, small group is the highlight of my week, every week. Anyway:

Doug and Steve:

Emotions have obviously flared. Like I said in my last email to y'all, I have seen awful things coming from Christians, including pastors, toward people on my side. Awful things. And I'm tired.

One of the most prevalent things is that those of us who voted no are not Christians, and we're going to Hell, and God would vote yes, and etc. I've been so overwhelmed by those messages, and so disgusted by the things that people are saying in the name of God, that I'm just kinda starting to believe them, you know? I would absolutely never in my life tell a rape victim that her rape was a blessing and she conceived so she could give an infertile couple a chance to adopt. I would never in my life tell a woman who terminated an ectopic pregnancy that she made an unethical choice. And I have ultimate compassion for a woman who feels she has to abort. I've had to do it to save my own life, and I STILL had to question whether or not it was the right thing to do. If a woman is in a situation where she has to terminate her unborn child, she has to be in a position of desperation.

If being a Christian means I have to call a woman in a desperate situation she can't see her way out of a murderer, or at least I have to THINK she's a murderer... or if being a Christian means I really have to tell a rape victim that her rape was a blessing in disguise, then maybe I'm just not a Christian. Because I don't believe in a God who would absolutely wreck a woman's life. I don't believe in a God who doesn't love a woman who has an abortion because she sees absolutely no other way out of her situation.

Thing is, throughout all of this, I always believed in [our church], especially the two of you. It's been a refuge for me. But I log on to Facebook this morning to see a passive-aggressive post from [the youth pastor] to the church's group about how he was shocked at the pridefulness of the statuses of people celebrating the amendment failing, and now we can move on to winning souls to Christ. Pridefulness? This state just beat an amendment that could have killed women in Mississippi, so you're damn straight I posted a celebratory status. And move on to winning souls to Christ? Maybe nobody sees it, but my entire life is devoted to winning souls to Christ. I absolutely do it in my own way. I don't believe in preaching down my nose at people and out-religioning people - I believe in meeting people on their level and letting Jesus speak through my actions. And I have spent countless hours telling people on my side of the political spectrum that Jesus absolutely loves them despite what the other side is saying - including their pastors, their families, their friends. I have done my level best to keep people from walking away from Christ. So if being a Christian means pointing a judgmental finger at others, using a leadership position in the church and on the church's Facebook to do so, and questioning whether or not I can have passion for both my rights and witnessing, then maybe I'm not a Christian.

I am not walking away from Christ, but I'm walking away from the church for a little while. I cannot believe people would act the way they act in the name of Christ, and I just can't deal with anyone else in our church right now. I'm sad to say it, but I'm absolutely disgusted with Christianity as a culture at this point and I can't continue to be a part of it right now. Please know that neither of you has anything to do with this and I still love and have the utmost respect for both of you and still believe Jesus would hang with you.



GrammarGirl said...

I am so sorry, Stacey. I know how much your church means to you. I don't have many other words than that. Just know I'm sorry, I'll be praying for you, and you are ALWAYS welcome to visit at my church anytime you want. It has its problems, but it is my refuge, too.

HEATHER said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry!

Susan said...

I totally get it. I made a comment on FB earlier this week about a friend of mine who is agnostic and is now even more turned off organized religion because of the way Christians have treated each other over this issue. And frankly, I can't blame her. As soon as this became a competition, it quit being a Christian discussion. This initiative has torn our state and our churches apart. I sincerely hope other states learn from what happened here and don't allow it to get out control.

Stacey said...

I wouldn't leave my church. Just taking a breather for a little while. And to be fair, the youth pastor called me today to apologize for what he said. He's going through something pretty profound in his life which is tangientially related to the effects of i26, so he was letting out some frustration. I just know a couple of people in the church were active Yesers and bought into the whole comparing-opponents-to-Hitler thing and I don't want to face them right now. Not for a while.

Sharon said...

I was so glad to read that the youth pastor called you & apologized.
I'm so sorry people are treating you this way.