Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Wow.

Been a crazy couple of days.

I started my outpatient treatment program yesterday. It's basically going to be group therapy 3-4 days a week (Tuesdays are optional), with regular individual meetings with a counselor and nutritionist. This miraculously coincides with Ace's school schedule (Spring break ends on Tuesday). I can drop him off, head to treatment, and when I leave treatment, I would have time to meet with a counselor or the nutritionist or what have you and still be at Ace's school in time to pick him up. My mom calls this a "God Thing." She's right. As usual.

Yesterday, I met with a counselor who said she believes I have an eating disorder. This pretty much totally blows my mind, but it makes sense. Since my miscarriage, I have completely turned to food for emotional support. I eat when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm angry... often when I'm angry. I'm also a compulsive eater... probably compulsive overeater. Also blows my mind. I thought I was just plain old fat. But the more she explains to me the difference between plain old fat and compulsive overeating, the more I identify.

Today, I met with the psychiatrist. After like a quazillion questions, he pretty succinctly and with absolute certainty said that I'm bipolar. Dude. Seriously? Bipolar? Again, the more he explained it to me, the more I was able to relate. When I said "Do you think I have an eating disorder," without pause, he said "Yes."

Tonight, I'll be starting on a mood stabilizer that will hopefully control my compulsive eating and various manic behaviors and GOD HELP ME SLEEP. As soon as that starts to level out in my system, I'll be starting on an anti-depressant that hopefully will not screw me up as much as the last SIX I've tried.

My family has rallied. My oldest sister has taken care of Ace for the past 2 days and will tomorrow. She lives in Louisiana and has a full-time job and a husband, but took off of work to come up here to help me. My stepdad is taking off of work to take care of Ace on Thursday, my little sister will take care of him on Monday, and he'll start back to school on Tuesday. If I need any other help after that, my mom, who is currently out of town, will be doing the helping, as well as Drew when possible.

This makes me feel like crap to some extent, but I know they want nothing more than to help me get better. Both my mom and stepdad have been through recovery, so they're both ready to help however possible with my recovery.

My recovery.

I cannot believe that I'm in treatment... in recovery. I know all these words and all the steps and everything else because I was basically raised in AA (my mom got sober in 1987 and brought us to meetings and sent us to Alateen), but I sure as hell never thought I'd need intensive treatment this way.

The doctor said he thinks I'll be in treatment for about 8 weeks. He says that with medication and therapy, in 8 weeks, I'll be a different person. I think that without insomnia and a sinus infection I'll be a different person, but my psychological issues will remain.

I may not post much during treatment. I've had this blog for 4 years though and I've posted during good times and bad, so I'm not shutting 'er down. Y'all can call me or text me or e-mail me if you want, but don't be surprised if I don't post much.

I'm off to absorb some of this information, fill out a questionnaire about eating disorders, and hopefully sleep a little bit. I'm so overwhelmed.

24 comments:

Sandi said...

Wow indeed. Stace, don't hesitate to call if you need anything. Seriously. I'll help you out if you need me.

Dr. Wifey said...

that is a lot to take in all at once. prayers and hugs

Soon to be Mrs. Boyd said...

I'm here for you if you need me love!!!

Jen said...

oh Stacey, I am SORRY girl...I had NO idea this was all going this way. I wish ALL THE BEST and keep an open mind, the docs know what they are doing. HOWEVER if you EVER feel like you need a 2nd opinion, you run for one, girly!

I love you bunches and I will do whatever you may need. Just call me. I mean it. Big hugs and big prayers for you, Drew and Ace. Hang in there.

HEATHER said...

Wow! Will be praying for you girl!

mrs. misenar said...

i'll be thinking about you!

i'm black betty said...

you know i'm like webmd with this disorder. call me if you have questions. i'm praying for you to get stablilzed and to sleep.

tgtank said...

Prayers Stacey.

dhcoop said...

You have been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be there!

Kayra said...

Prayers for you, Stacey. I know it's hard to allow family to help out but let them help you while you recover. *hugs8

Adriana Muñoa said...

http://adrianamunoa.blogspot.com/

Supermom said...

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around all this but I do hope everything turns out for the best.

From the Doghouse said...

Wow. That's a lot to have dumped on your plate (sorry for the eating reference). Of course, you're living in the South, where everything can be solved with food, which doesn't make it any easier.

Prayers coming for you.

mayberry said...

Wow indeed. You know I'll be praying for you and will be here if you need anything. For reals.

Erin Steele (previously Domeyer) said...

I will be praying you get the help you need..and dont feel guilty we all need help in our own way! My brother just went to something similar to you and also was diagnosed with bipolar. That was 6 months ago and he has found that many of his super highs and lows all relate back to something in his past...we are all here for you and love ya! Take as much time as you need to help yourself your family needs you to be at your best! This is just as good for them as it is for you!! XOXOXO!!

Mommy said...

I'm praying for you!!!

Melinda Barton said...

Anything you need, give me a call.

Can't do much from 1,000 miles away, but I'm more than willing to bore you half to death if that'll help you sleep. I can tell you all about how to prepare a bond statement or an ordinance. That'll put anyone to sleep.

If boredom doesn't work, I can sing you star trek/star wars themed lullabies or whisper sweet nothings in your ear... Wait, scratch that last part. You're married.

Anyway, you have a great support system. Use it as much as you want. I don't think anyone will mind at all.

Watercolor said...

Overwhelming, I'll bet. Hugs hon. Love you!!

Watercolor said...

And sweetie? You don't spend a lifetime building a network of great family and friends just for fun. We are here for each other when we need support and help. You'd do it for us. I am here for you. Hugs. Love you!!

Susan said...

Looks like I'm late to this party, but, you know, ditto and stuff. =) And don't have guilt about letting people help. You got good people. We're all here for you.

K Storm said...

praying for you...that you'll feel better soon.

RhondaLue said...

i truly believe that all angels don't have wings. they're the ones quietly and happily helping us out when we need it. I'm glad you have some local ones there for you!

I'm sure it's a lot to digest with the "treatment" and all but now you're one step closer (or five!) to getting proper help.

Someone in my fam was recently diagnosed with bipolar and her pysch told her that if they started her on any old antidepressant it could really wreak havoc on her. Meds for someone that is bi (teehee, sorry, can't help it!) are different...errr somethin' like that. But maybe that explains your wacky reactions.

Good luck, hope you find something better that works soon!

p.s. I'm just curious, does the diagnosis make sense to Drew? or was he shocked?

Aidan's mom said...

I'm sorry you are going through such a trying time. But I'm glad that you are getting to the heart of the problem and being brave enough to face it head on.

I'll be praying for you.

Christine the Soccer Mom said...

Still on the intentions list. And, since next week is Holy Week, think of all the EXTRA prayers you'll get!

:)