Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Recipe for pure, horrible terror

1 mom, as yet unaccustomed to her child's newfound mobility
1 dad, just getting home from a long day of work
1 defiant toddler
1 sample bottle of non-childproofed Cymbalta you got from your doctor
1 counter
1 extra dash of defiance

Preheat personal hell to 9000 degrees F.

Leave Cymbalta on the counter, and forget to clean the counter off before putting up the dishes. Take eyes off of toddler. Preoccupy yourself with talking to your husband, who has just arrived home from work.

Hear toddler say "wanna take da pill?"

React with lightning speed, jump over the counter, and see that your child has one pill between each forefinger and thumb and the open bottle in his right hand.

Yell in unison with your husband, "(insert child's name here), PUT IT DOWN!"

Watch in horror as child jumps in surprise, then throws one of the pills into the back of his throat. He's well-trained in doing this, see, as he's been taking pills for over a year.

Fall on ground, throw child over knee, and shove your forefinger down his throat. Have fleeting thoughts of the worst. Plan quickest route to hospital. Watch the child gag and cough the pill onto your shoe. Yell at your husband to count the pills, there should be 6. There are, in fact, 6.

Comfort child. Cry with child. Sniff, notice you've literally scared the crap out of your child. Allow your husband to take your still-sobbing child to change his diaper.

Beat yourself up. Imagine all possible what-ifs. Cry profusely.

Yield: Two very shaky hands, 1 test of your heart's strength, 1 eternal praise to God for having a child who will totally rat himself out, 1 blog post.

21 comments:

Sharon said...

Phew. I sweat just reading this.

Bird said...

Hey, it ended well!

You know, charlie is always doing stuff like this except his manuevers always include fliging himself to the floor from a great distance. I swear, he could have his own prison break show. The kid can't sit up properly, but he has dreams of grandeur.

HEATHER said...

Glad everyone is OK!
Guess you'll have a few more gray hairs in the morning. Hang in there!

Sandi said...

Thank heavens for poison control. Just in case.

dhcoop said...

Goodness! That scared me just reading it. I'm glad it turned out okay.

RhondaLue said...

whew! All six accounted for.

sorry for the cardiac arrest you endured. Hope that doesn't happen again. Kids are just TOO quick for their own darn good!

Melinda Barton said...

Oy! I've had a lot of close calls like that with my nieces and nephews. I stopped my one nephew 5 milimeters away from putting a fork in the outlet. Freaked out just like you did and scared the kid to death. I wish I could say it gets easier, but I think all the parents can tell you they just find more "exciting" things to scare you about.

mayberry said...

*GASP*

Rob the Webkahunah said...

I really feel ya on this one... The speed with which Charles can get his hands on something and stuff said something into his mouth continually surprises me. I had to throw away all the superbouncy balls that CJ collected during Mardi Gras because of a similar incident.

Of course, unlike Ace, Charles just thinks it's funny when he sees Mommy and Daddy panic...

From the Doghouse said...

Considering what we've been through with Lil Bit lately, I feel your pain.

Must be something about this age.

Watercolor said...

oy vey! hugs hun!!

Laurie said...

I think we've all been there...and somehow most of them survive without the parents going bonkers! I think I've lost at least 10 years off my life over things like this - thank God and his guardian angel for this one! Just wait until he falls off of something impossibly high - oh, it's coming ;)!

Ann Onimous said...

Oh, yeah. Super feel ya here. We had one day where son and daughter came in the room to their dad: son was holding a kitchen knife and daughter's hands were really red. Turned out son was just bringing the knife to dad, and daughter had been in the Red Hots. :D

Glad everything's okay!

Kayra said...

Oh my, that's scary! as a mother of 2 toddlers, I praise you for reacting so fast. I usually freeze and panic, which doesn't help.

sinister_n_evil said...

I keep a sticker of poison control on my refrigerator, but I'll admit that my Ipecac syrup is expired and should be replaced. My boys have kept me on my toes, and there is never a point when you can let your guard down when it comes to Charles. That little one does things just for the shock value.

Don't worry about scaring Ace. You reacted the right way. Don't ever doubt it. He will get over the shock. You can explain after the fact that he is only allowed to take pills that are handed to him, and he will eventually understand.

But to be safe, you might want to add Ipecac to your medicine cabinet just in case. It induces vomiting in case of accidental poisoning.

i'm black betty said...

wowzers!!!

Jen said...

my heart is racing just reading this post! LAWD HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!!

I am so glad he "ratted himself out!" jeez, that kid! LOL!

Aidan's mom said...

I think I need a drink after reading this! So glad Ace is ok! Little stinker. :-)

Jo said...

OH BOY~~~ had the same thing happen with Blake and Motrin... that was in a CHILD PROOF BOTTLE!! And he was like 11 months old!

As for syrup of ipecac... it is no longer recommended that you use that.

HUGS to ya! Keep those grey hairs.... they are a sign of survival :)

margiemagnolia said...

Worst phrase in the world - "I et all my puhpul pills!" My daughter was on fluoride tablets cause our city didn't fluoride the water and I left them sitting on the vanity while unpacking after a trip (from hell) - in a childproof container! Damned things are grape-flavored so she loved them! Ate every single one of them. Poison control call - just don't give her anymore for a while. Where was husband - not at home!

Jennifer said...

Oh.MY.GOOSSSHHHH!! That was an awful story (and would have induced a heart attack, had it happened to me), but I could not stop laughing--the description of the pills in his hands, the part where he asked "Wanna take da pill?" and the tossing the pill into his mouth had me laughing out loud while still scaring the crap out of me.

This sort of thing happens so much in our life that last night, when Landon was up all night, I kept asking him, "Did you take one of mommy's pills? Did you eat any extra vitamins"--Ahhh, the paranoia!