Saturday, November 22, 2008

One week

It's amazing that the only bad memories I have of high school are related to my shame in myself. High School Stacey was by no means popular. I didn't fit in with really anyone - I had a ton of friends, none of whom ever hung out with each other. I went to exactly one big party in high school - my friend Erin's 18th birthday party. I didn't drink, do drugs, or have sex, so I didn't fit in with the people who did. I wasn't smart, so I didn't fit in with the people who were. Didn't play sports, didn't play instruments, couldn't do drama... I didn't fit in anywhere. But dude, I SOOOOoooo wanted to be popular.

I did everything I could to impress the popular kids - buying brand names with my $4/hour job and no allowance, hitting every single football game I could, being "cool" (see also: disrespectful) in class to make the other kids laugh... etc.

With utter shame I will admit that I made fun of a lot of people too. There was this one kid, Charlie, who moved to our school during my junior year. Charlie wore weird shoes, had long frizzy hair, painted his toenails black, and was generally a loner. He was the object of everyone's ridicule, and I was no exception. I had no pride. A girl named Michelle brought her brother to the prom - once that got out, I jumped in with the pack of lions and mocked her mercilessly. Nobody was immune from what a jackass I was - including the special needs kids. I even joined in once when a popular girl started making fun of my good friend's shirt.

While I want my successes to dazzle everyone at my reunion next week, they likely won't. What I've grown into and learned isn't quantifiable. I don't have a stellar career, impressive weight loss, worldly travels, higher education... However, I think that if they do the cliched most-improved person award, I should totally get it. I am 100% NOT the person I was when I walked away from that school, and I am so proud of that fact, because I sucked in high school. SUCKED.

It will be interesting to see the people I tried so hard to emulate. Are they the same people? Have they changed? Will I be extremely happy that I never DID fit in because I'd probably still be there making the same mistakes I made in high school?

Deep thoughts one week before my 10-year high school reunion. I SHOULD be thinking deeply about who's going to take care of my cats during our trip and who's going to babysit Ace while I'm at the reunion and what I'm going to pack and the things we still have left to buy, etc etc etc. But here I sit, whining about what a loser I was. Doesn't everyone think they were a big loser in high school?

13 comments:

sinister_n_evil said...

Very interesting post... I was the loner type in high school choosing to hang with the outsiders... I joined every club I could and broke every stereotype presented to me... I blurred racial barriers by telling questioners some different branch of my family tree when they questioned what I was... I dazzled them with my knowlege on varsity quiz bowl, and stumpted them when flagging trig cause I had no tolerance for it while aceing Computer Programming and still making the honor roll BIGGEST CONTROVERSY EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE SCHOOL!!! (by the way trig was the pre-req for it and i took them both at the same time)...
I am obviouslly remembered as they found me recently on line and I have gotten notes of support throughout my surgical endevors... They voted me the most reliable in high school... so I think that is a geek cred award if I ever heard one... GO GEEK PRIDE!!!

(side note... My GPA was good enough to get me on the honor roll but the F for the semester of Trig cost me Graduating with honors... still sucks to be me)

have fun with old friends that is what reunions are for ... not for comparing or making fun of success or failures... if that is why you are going... you are going for the wrong reasons...

Brou HahHah said...

Go and be yourself. Don't flaunt anything. The old trivialities that were in the grade school and high school days should evaporate. It's part of growing up.

Erin Steele (previously Domeyer) said...

My parties did rock...but other than that i was so uncool..i never did or will fit in with many of the cool people..you would hope the cliches would go away but i dont think they do. I think they get better but people dont change that much!! We will see at the reunion. I am over the moon about it and cant wait to see my friends and the cool people. I am proud of who/what i have become..even if others think i am only a SAHM..i am cool to my kids!!Now that is where it really matters!

HEATHER said...

Bring a coat. It's sixteen degrees here and it's not any warmer in Indiana.

Bird said...

I can relate in a lot of ways. I was a complete BITCH in high school and like to think that I'm a better person now. Of course, maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Alice said...

I think part of growing up is realizing that we're not all that different. In high school you think some kids "Had it good" because they seemingly "had it all" but I'd be willing to bet their family is more disfunctional than mine since EVERY family is dysfunctional. Understanding things like that now....I have more compassion. I still don't get the sluts....but I know WHY they did it.

Here my reunion is not even 4 weeks after I'm due...and I'm worried about starving myself. Some things will never change.

mrs. misenar said...

wow! most people would never admit the things they did wrong back then. but...the good thing is that HS is for learning. it diesnt dictate the rest of your life. success isn't measured by material things...but with things people can't see.

you are a step above!

Jennifer said...

I just went to my HS reunion, too--Andy was being a jerk that night so I took MY SISTER as my date. All in all it was pretty boring, but good to see everyone, yada yada yada. Can I just say, I wish we could go back to HS, being who we are now and go to school together--I know you and I would think we were just HILARIOUS (even if no one else ever agreed) and we'd have the BEST time!!

Let us know how it goes (Undoubtedly, the "cool" people will not be as "cool" as you remembered :o)

BRING PICS OF ACE!!!! (Drop him off in SC and I'll baby-sit!)

Nicole Bradshaw said...

I think we probably all did things in high school that we are not particularly proud of. For me, it was not necessarily because I wanted to be cool, but more like I didn't have the guts to stand up for what I thought yet. I cringe when I think of all the times that I said nothing, did nothing, when I should have been calling people on their crap or their mean behavior. (Maybe that's why I'm such a hard-ass now?)

Anyhoo, you will be amazed at how time is the great leveler. At my 10-year reunion (which was several years ago, because I'm so old and all), it was just fun to see where everyone landed, find out who was pregnant, meet the folks my friends had chosen to marry, etc. I really did have a good time.

Best of luck, hon!

From the Doghouse said...

I was just kinda there in high school. Liked but not "accepted" if you know what I mean.

You'll do fine and have fun. It's what you do.

Koontah said...

The "cool kids" that were class officers at my high school are such losers now, that we didn't even have a 10 year reunion. Some of the "dweebs" are now the responsible ones and are trying to organize a 15 year, just so we can maybe salvage some of their slackerness (is that a word?...it is now).
I was voted most likely to succeed, and it took me 8 years to get 2 Associate's degrees from Hinds!!! But I do feel like I have succeeded in my life. I have a beautiful family, a good job that I enjoy (most of hte time), and great friends to relax with.

grammargirl said...

Like others have said, you will most probably find that time has a way of evening out the playing field. Most of us are not that much different from others. I hope you have a fantastic time.

Jen said...

I totally ditched my 10 year reunion because I didn't want to face the "in crowd" bitches. Yes, they were. Size 2, perfect hair, beautiful, prom queen, MR & MS HIGH SCHOOL. MR & MS JOCK, MR & MS CHEERLEADER. But, now half of them turned out ok and a couple married total hotness jock guys, have a great life, but then the other half are drug addicts or in jail & have serious problems. I didn't go because I always felt like I didn't fit in. But, I look back, and actually I was the crowd just below the "in crowd" and even some in my crowd turned out to be ass holes and bitches.

I am only friends with 1 person still from H.S. He & I will always be a part of each other's life. I am thankful for him.

i wish you luck at the reunion. I still don't regret not going to mine. I just couldn't face them. I should have and held my head high, because I have nothing to be ashamed of and neither do you.