Cousin Jonathan

My cousin has the following quote about himself on his website:

I have an amazing ability to shut a group of people up just by talking.

This is actually true, but more often because he's just said something that nobody else had ever thought of. He did it twice to me over the past few days.

The first time, I was struggling to take the rack out of my microwave so I could put something large in there. He said "Have you ever used that rack?" That single statement revolutionized my kitchen, because I have, in fact, never used that rack. I have, several times, had to struggle to take the rack out and put it on my limited counter space and then had to struggle to put it back. After spending several moments looking at him blinking, I said, "well dangit, Cousin," said I, "no I haven't ever used that rack. I'm taking it out and putting it away." And so I did.

The second time, we were talking about the Obama camp talking about Palin's lack of experience, and vice versa. He made a very frustrated noise, and then said "It's like [a tiny penis]* measuring contest. One might be bigger, but they're both losers."

Okay, so that one made everyone shut up because we were laughing, but it made us shut up nonetheless.

*I had to edit it because it was both mildly racist and much more vulgar, but it was maybe one of the funniest things I've ever heard.