Monday, July 28, 2008

Dyson love

I've discovered a new use for Dyson which neither my crappy Bissell hard floor cleaner nor my surface sweeper could've done.

Dyson - did I mention I have a Dyson vacuum cleaner? - can hastily rid my house of spiders.















The gigantic spider, pictured next to an actual adult Latino dump truck driver for scale. He was nice enough to come in and pose next to Spide-zilla. He didn't want to at first, having seen the size of the spider. "But dude," I said, "my readers will demand specificity in scale."

I unfurled Dyson, afraid that Spide-zilla would awaken. I opened the magical compartment for the hose attachment and extended that puppy, as well as my arm, as far as I could. I suppressed the fleeting image of Spide-zilla crawling up the outside of the hose, over my arm, and into my ear. I suppressed the urge to vomit. One gentle tap of the red power button and Dyson purred to life and with a mighty roar and a loud, disturbing clicking noise, the spider was gone.

(Dude, seriously. How did that spider CLICK on the way through the hose so loudly that I could feel the vibrations from the sound ON MY HAND. Ohhhh, it's so gross to think about that I actually need a shower.)

While I hope Spide-zilla didn't survive the trip, I hope more that Dyson can handle arachnid viscera.

Upon retelling this story to Drew, he said "Was it in the hallway? I saw a really huge one in the hallway this morning. I didn't have time to pick it up." "Honey, there's always time to pick up huge freaking spiders." Dyson has thus proven that it's more of a man than Drew. Dyson ALWAYS has time to pick up spiders.

13 comments:

Sharon said...

Dyson ALWAYS has time to pick up spiders,

That should be there new commercial or logo! lol

Glad you're enjoying it. I want one.
And Happy Birthday!

Jo said...

OMG! That is too funny!!

Perhaps the loud clicking was the nice latino dump truck driver???

And you need to name that puppy... Dyson just won't do. It needs a real name... think about it.

I was cracking up!!!! Mostly because spiders don't bother me.

Now if Dyson can suck up a june bug without having to get within 50 miles of it... I'm in!

sinister_n_evil said...

Yay for the Spidezilla eating Dyson...

Alice said...

love the midget latino...

i'm black betty said...

just wait till you empty the vaccum...there will be more spidezillas!!!

j/k...

maybe????

Supermom said...

Drew Vs. Dyson...

so... supressing... a... joke... about... long... hoses..

mayberry said...

LOL@ supermom!!!

Geez - (shivering) I L O A T H E Spiders.

tgtank said...

stacey, if Drew didn't take time to "kill" the spider, I'd suck him up w/the Dyson.

so, did the trip inside the Dyson kill it or could you see it through the canister? ohhhh, so creepy.

From the Doghouse said...

Of course, it's gonna be PISSED after it crawls out of the hose and comes looking for you.

Just sayin'.

Jennifer said...

Eeeew! Ha ha ha ha! the clicking noise!! (shiver, shiver) I'm not a fan of spiders (they're all poisonous, you know....), but roaches are my big thing--If I see them, I freeze and go into mini-convulsions--Blehhhh!

Cassandra Hawkins Wilson said...

HAAA! U are so funny! I want a Dyson...

Jennifer said...

Okay, so I think Dyson should be sending you a free vaccuum right about now for all of the free advertising you are giving them! And since you probably won't need two, just send the puppy my way!

Crawdaddy79 said...

I must admit I really enjoyed the proportion of the Latino dump truck driver segment of this show.

It made me laugh. Out loud. Rly.