I don't watch much daytime TV, but I rarely miss Judge Judy. Inevitably on nearly every episode of Judge Judy, some neanderthal is suing some hag over some crap. Inevitably, the neanderthal and the hag have children together. Many, many children. It seems that the stupider the person, the more fertile he or she is. The less education, the fewer teeth, the raspier the cigarette voice, the more ear hair, the more felonies, the less the person makes, the more times the person has been married, the more children he or she has.
I don't know a lot of really good people who got pregnant easily. I've met more since becoming more active in blog-land, but mostly, the really good people that I know had a really hard time getting pregnant. Thus proves what I call The Lament of the Barren - the overwhelming feeling of unfairness over woefully inadequate people having lots and lots of babies. Boy oh boy did I feel that. LOTS.
Medicine can get women pregnant lots of ways. Clomid, hcg shots, intrauterine insemination, in-vitro fertilization... And man, it's hell. NONE of those things are easy to do. Trust it from the lady who boxed a few rounds with Clomid and found herself more than once laying her face straight down on her tile floor to allay the hot flashes. Among the other side effects of fertility medication is a condition called Raging Bitch (scuse French, please). Somehow, our husbands are supposed to see past that and still want to have sex with us. For reasons unknown, fertility aids are not prescribed concurrently with tranquilizers, alcohol, or a frying pan for our husbands to knock us out with so they can just get they bidness done and go to bed without a 20 minute argument on why they haven't gotten us roses lately.
Medicine has this all wrong. Instead of finding ways to perfect the above methods of fertility aid, researchers should start to develop a stupid pill. Start taking it when you feel that you're ready to get pregnant and it'll happen in NO time. Heck, the pill might as well be made of a baby, because that's how fast you'll get pregnant.
Side effects? No worse than being drunk, really. You're just, well, stupid. You might lose your job or put your pantyhose on your head and hairspray on your... well okay, maybe tranquilizers would help this too. But hey, you'd get pregnant with a quickness.
Does anyone have several million dollars to loan me so I can get this research started?
3 months ago
11 comments:
wait a minute...i'm constantly putting my pantyhose on my head and putting on my thong backwards...j/k
if i had million dollars, i'd give it to ya, honey! :)
happy halloween!
You crack me up. I know exactly what you mean about this though. My sister did in-vitro, I think a total of 4 or 5 times. She now has a soon to be 7 year old and 18 month old twins. She's more woman than I am!
Eureka, I think you're on to something!
You should watch the movie Idiocracy. It's hilariously funny! One of the big things is that the stupid people outbreed the smart ones, so eventually the whole world is filled with morons. This leads to an Oscar-winning movie (far in the future) that is nothing but a naked butt farting for 90 minutes and a top-rated TV show called "Ow! My Balls!" Yeah.
Seen it!
2 things for ya --
1 - are you implying that I am a bad mother because I get pregnant by looking at my husband LOL
2 - Neither Billy or myself warranted a birthday message on your blog, but now you have crossed the line by omitting your beautiful Goddaughter!
hey now, hey now...I'll be glad donate my uterus (provided they TAKE IT) or eggs to anyone's cause....it's overly able, unfortunately, to reproduce easily (even while on birth control)....thanks to a fertile family.
I do agree though....seems like some dr.s need to prescribe some people some aspirins. (oh yeah, your forgot nose hairs and note:the chillrens are unbathed)
Glad to know you have good taste in movies. I'm so mad it went straight to DVD! Everyone needs to see what's coming if we keep letting Britney Spears and her ilk breed. Scary!
I got pregnant the first time. My dear friend did in-vitro for years and finally had a preemie. She did more in-vitro a couple years later but they had to give up due the $$$$.
And she is my right hand in motherhood. She is the real super mom. I consider her the best mother I've ever met. And the neatest person, and greatest friend.
Huh? What happened.. wha...oh, wait.. sorry... had a sentimental moment there.
haha, the people that I know that got pregnant really easily done went and got offended. Get off yer horses, you know I didn't mean you.
Melinda, I've seen Idiocracy, and while I thought the movie in its entirety was hellafied awful, the idea that stupidity will overtake the species is profound, and very real.
Terri - I didn't omit her! I was looking for a picture of her that I can't find! I had a whole post planned out. So nyah. I just need to post it without the picture.
I'm not offended..I'm serious. TAKE THEM. Take it all...I'll donate to a cause just rid me of it. I'm just not carryin' anyone's kid!
(But I do understand. My grandmaw had 13 kids, 12 healthy and NO MONEY to support them with. WTH? Why you would want to do that ...is beyond me....but that's just me)
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