28.9.2007
Experiment Name: The Woman and the Cookie Dough
Experiment performed by Doctor Toll, MM, and Doctor House, Y.U.M.
Mission objective: 27-year-old woman (heretoforth referred to as "subject") is making chocolate chip cookies for an event that she's catering tomorrow. Our mission is to keep her from eating the raw cookie dough.
Experiment 1: Fill 'er Up
Definition: Provide subject with snack prior to starting to bake. The lack of hunger should trigger the reflex to not eat.
Result: Fail
Reason: Subject does not recognize stated reflex. Subject is overweight, said reflex went out the window 20 years ago.
Cookie dough consumed: 1/4 teaspoon
Experiment 2: That Can't Taste Good
Definition: Make subject brush teeth before starting next batch. Residue from toothpaste should create an aversion to the taste of cookie dough, and make subject's mouth feel clean, keeping her from wanting to dirty it.
Result: Fail
Reason: Subject rid mouth of toothpaste residue with Diet Dr. Pepper.
Cookie dough consumed: 1/2 teaspoon
Experiment 3: Keep Mouth Busy
Definition: Provide subject with chewing gum to keep her mouth busy, thus reducing the desire to keep the mouth busy with cookie dough
Result: Fail
Reason: Subject accidentally (although we suspect it was no accident) got cookie dough on her finger, said "my mama always told me 'waste not, want not'," swallowed her gum, and ate the cookie dough.
Cookie dough consumed: 1 teaspoon
Experiment 4: Healthy Alternative
Definition: Provide subject with alternative, encourage her to eat said alternative whenever she gets a craving for cookie dough
Result: Fail
Reason: Subject dipped grapes in cookie dough and ate them.
Cookie dough consumed: 2 teaspoons
Experiment 5: Conscience
Definition: Remind subject that her customer paid for the cookie dough. Encourage conscientiousness.
Result: Fail
Reason: Subject said "I'm not getting paid anyway. They can pay me in cookie dough."
Cookie dough consumed: 2 1/2 teaspoons
Experiment 6: Last Resort
Definition: Tape subject's mouth shut, preventing her completely from eating cookie dough.
....
Result: Fail
Reason: Undetermined. Subject was approached with tape. Subject screamed profanities, picked up cookie dough and ran toward us. We woke up in South Jackson 4 hours later, naked and taped together.
Findings: There is no earthly force strong enough to keep a woman from eating raw cookie dough.
4 months ago
13 comments:
Mmmm...especially cookie dough ice cream. I am, however wary of salmonella now after having a little run with it, if you know what I mean....PS) Do you cater as a job?
OMG, that's so funny...
Jo told me I had to read this and I laughed so hard that I choked.
And now I'm craving cookie dough. Thanks alot Jo!! lol
Then you must rely on the power of God to overcome all temptations. Cry out to Jesus in your time of despair and he will deliver you with strong arm and outstretched hand, just as he delivered our fathers from the might of Pharaoh in the desert. This he will do through the powerful intercession of His holy and immaculate mother, the glorious and ever-virgin Theotokos.
Jennifer - my mom has been pushing me for years to do event planning or catering. I am pretty good at it (toot toot) but it's not especially something I want to pursue. She asked me for the umpty-millionth time to cater something for her work, and I finally agreed. After my fourth helping of my Bomb-Diggity Chicken Salad (tm) and... well, the cookie dough experiment, I realized why it's not something I want to pursue. And jeeeez, salmonella? That'd turn me off of everything too.
ter and Jo, thanks :) That makes me feel good! Also, cookie dough makes me feel good! And brownie batter! Mmmmm.
Tony. Remember Lent? Gave up chocolate? I made my grandma's special cookies and didn't so much as lick my fingers? That's right. Only the fear of God can keep me away from cookie dough.
You crack me up!
I'm another fan of the brownie mixture. YUM.
LOL!!! I love the grapes dipped in cookie dough! And, I have bought the pre-made tollhouse cookie dough and never baked a one.....
Ha! That's hilarious!
My (sometimes) foolproof method is to look at the number of calories and translate it to hours of exercise or miles to run. If something is 200 calories, then that equals about a half-hour on the elliptical machine, or about two and a half miles on the treadmill for me. Sometimes (but only sometimes) it works!
Oh my lord! Too funny!
ha! dats funnah!
thank you so much for coming to the meet and greet! i so enjoyed your company...
trampoline jumping anyone? ;)
If there is cookie dough - I will eat it. Sugar, chocolate chip or peanut butter. Makes no matter. If there is cookie dough, I will eat it.
I wanna jump on da trampoween :(
~:>
Hehehe! that's hilarious...like the 4th time I've read it too....I used to have that same problem...now I don't eat anything I cook...Cookie dough's a tough one...so I make no cookies! hehe...I didn't know you catered!
(Oh yeah! And for King Cakes to rise, they require eggs...just so you know)
hahahaha, Alice. Common mistake. Next time.
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