You know you're the parent of a preemie if...

My editorial comments in italics...

1.) You use strange initals (C-PAP, CCs, NICU, NG, etc.) when discussing your child's history.
After six years, I finally confused Drew instead of the other way around when pulling out the big words regarding Ace's cerebral palsy.

2.) You actually remember how many CCs make up an ounce.
Sure do. I also remember how amazed I was when he was taking 12 CCs of breast milk and thinking his stomach would explode.

3.) You count his/her weight in grams.
Never did this.

4.) The skin on your hands is peeling from washing so often.
Used to before I discovered lotion with alpha hydroxy. I think it's the Purell.

5.) You hesitate when someone asks his/her age, but you know how much he/she weighs.
ALWAYS. People ask how tall he is and I have no idea. His weight was drilled into my brain for so long that I just automatically remember it.

6.) The answer to "How old is your baby?" is 30 minutes long.
Yes, because then they ask if he's walking yet, which turns into a LONG conversation.

7.) When someone asks his birthday, you reply "which one"?
Never did this either.

8.) You start to understand some of the things thay say on ER.
I remember JD on Scrubs said something super long to try to confuse one of his patients and I understood every word. Haha, ignorance is SUCH bliss.

9.) You turn into Kung-Fu Mom when someone tries to touch your baby.
RSV season brought out rage in me, for sure.

10.) You attempt to measure just how much spit-up he/she just had before you clean it up.
Weight/reflux hasn't been an issue for Ace, so I haven't had this problem.

11.) You know how much he/she weighs before putting him/her on the scale at the doctor's office.
Yep, because we've usually had an appointment with another doctor shortly beforehand.

12.) You cry at "Maternity Ward" and get mad at "Baby Story".
Don't watch 'em. Can't.

13.) You see a term newborn and say "Wow! She's so BIG!"
Haha, I remember seeing them at the hospital and thinking what monsters they were. Now Ace is the monster.

14.) Your baby is months old before he can go to the mall.
I honestly don't think he's been to a mall, at least not an inside one (I'm talking about as opposed to Dogwood here, locals). I remember taking him to the grocery store for the first time and crying because people were coming too close. Get back, heifers!!!

15.) You have ever explained why your baby is on an apnea monitor.
I have. I'm glad it never went off anywhere but home. I wish I could have gotten a snarky retort from Melinda!

16.) When someone says how tiny your baby is, you argue that he is huge and to demonstrate you whip out pictures of him from the NICU.
Ace was only "tiny" for a few months.

17.) You do a health check on people when they come to your house to visit.
Ohhh, yes. As well as before I go to anyone else's house.

18.) You make people wash their hands before going near your child.
Oh yes. We're not that strict right now that it's not RSV season, but come October the Purell firehose is coming back out.

19.) You want to scream when someone says that she just wants to have this baby now - at week 29, 32, or 34.
In the nanosecond before they realize who they're talking to and the horrified look of abject mortification spreads across their face :) Then, I just want to laugh.

20.) You are so amazed when someone actually tells you that your baby is big for his age.
Not amazed as much as proud. That starts the "well, would you believe he was born 3 months early?" bragging.

21.) You tried to find a place to buy newborn size diapers in bulk.
Um, who doesn't sell newborn diapers in bulk?

22.) You called half your relatives when your baby grew out of their first pair of pajamas.
I was stoked when he outgrew all of his preemie stuff - then the MASSIVE growth spurt that caused him to skip 3-6 month clothes.

23.) You never take your child for granted.
I really hope non-preemie parents don't either...

24.) You worry about RSV season and it is still weeks away.
Absolutely. I hope he'll qualify for a second year of Synagis shots.

25.) You know what "RSV" stands for.
Yep, although I still can't pronounce "syncytial."

26.) You donate his/her tiny clothes to the NICU and marvel that they seem so small, when they were too large at one point in time.
YES. I remember looking at one outfit someone had gotten him and saying "He'll never fit into this." Now he consumes at least the size of that outfit in one meal.

27.) Your son/daughter gets a simple cold and his/her doctor sees her within the hour.
No, but the doctor got a call within the hour. And every few hours till I chilled out.

28.) People say "He can't be ___ old..he's too little!".
Nope. He's a beefcake. I did get that talk a few times before the big growth spurt.

29.) It has taken them 5 months to grow into newborn clothes.
Nope. They were big on him at 2 months, but by 3 months they were fitting pretty well. Beefcaaaake.

30.) You pick up 2 pounds of ground beef and think that your baby was born at the same weight.
I never have, but now I will! THANKS!

31.) You buy Purell in bulk.
I've got quite the stash. I never go anywhere without it.

32.) You can stare at your baby for hours when he sleeps.
I'm pretty sure this applies to all parents, but it is comforting to go in his room and watch him breathe, remembering how many times I watched him stop breathing.