Riiiiight.

Drew got me a maid for Mother's Day. A very, very nice lady from Merry Maids came out to do the estimate for your basic spring cleaning, checked out my house, told me what they did and didn't do, what was extra, what my end of the bargain was, etc. She then sat down to work out some numbers, and handed me the estimate. I thanked her for her time, and she left. I called Drew. Now, before y'all read the following, keep in mind that my house is your standard, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 1825 square feet, normal house. I think I keep it relatively clean; certainly not as clean as I once kept it, but... well, there are no rats.

Me: "Hi honey, you're so sweet!"
Drew: "Eh?"
Me: "You must really, really value me as a mother."
Drew: "Um, I do...?"
Me: "I mean, I'm just so touched that you love me this much, and would spend this much to honor me for Mother's Day."
Drew: "How much was the estimate." (No, not said as a question. A definite statement.)
Me: "Take a wild guess. Keep in mind, this is top to bottom cleaning, not including mopping."
Drew: "Hundred-twenty."
Me: "Nuh uh."
Drew: (voice cracking now) "Two twenty?"
Me: "Nope."
Drew: (in a bare whisper) "More?"
Me: (completely failing in my attempt to stifle my laughter) "Four-hundred and eighty-six dollars."

I can neither spell nor explain the noise Drew made, but once he composed himself, he said "So what else do you want for Mother's Day?"

Y'all, call me crazy, but I was in no way prepared for that estimate. I cannot imagine the pricing guide these people use to justify charging nearly 500 bills to clean my house. She said that they'd do pricing per hour for what basically amounted to a la carte cleaning... say, if I just wanted them to do my floors or just my bathrooms or something. $75 an hour, for two maids. And the maids themselves surely can't get more than $10 an hour.

We had a guy do our apartment in California for $35 per visit. We always rounded it up to $40 just to give him a little tip, and would give him extra if he did extra, and around the holidays. His basic cleaning was dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning countertops and tables, tidying, dishes, making the beds, basic stuff. When I imagined the estimate from Merry Maids, I took into consideration that our guy in L.A. probably wasn't insured or bonded, may have been illegal, and just didn't have the security that comes with being associated with a national firm. I thought $150, MAX, and I didn't even think Drew would go for THAT. This woman said $486, and I thought, "y'all don't even MOP?"

So, the disappointment I feel that I'll have to do the spring cleaning myself is greatly offset by the hour's worth of laughter I've gotten since that lady left. She did give me a weekly estimate for regular cleanings - it'd be $119 per week for them to just do a regular house cleaning, but they'd have to start with the spring cleaning.

These people is a little crazy. Reckon I'll probably get a pedicure.