Freakin' Halloween.

When Drew and I moved here completely on his employer's dime, we stayed one night at New Orleans' historic Hotel Monteleone, fulfilling a dream I've had since I was a teenager. My mom used to work at a boutique in the hotel, and I'd visit her and sit in the lobby in awe, thinking I'd NEVER be able to afford to stay there. I was so, so incredibly proud to have stayed there, and so happy that I did, especially since we didn't pay for it. It's one of the most beautiful buildings in the Quarter, and definitely the most beautiful hotel.

Unfortunately, that time is the last. When I was researching the prices on the hotel, I failed to notice this page. I'm seriously bummed about this. Now a reporter on nola.com is researching the ghosts at the Monteleone.

No, this isn't some righteous fundamentalist indignation - "Ghosts are the work of the devillll-ah!" No, I have, at the same time, a crippling terror of and an unquenchable fascination with ghosts, as ridiculous as it sounds. Yes, I'm a Christian. Yes, people go to either Heaven or Hell when they die. I can't, however, discount the thousands of personal experiences I've read and heard over the years, including from people I don't think would lie to me about it, the pictures and video I've seen, and a possible personal experience. It's led me to seriously ask myself, what is Heaven? What is Hell?

I'm sure that my fascination feeds my terror, but I simply can't stay away. I am constantly researching the paranormal, seeking out information, laughing off that which seems too ridiculous for words. I'll go months without researching anything or watching Ghost Hunters or watching scary movies - but the fear is always there.

Part of me thinks that I should just suck it up, face my fear, and stay at a haunted house overnight or something. That was actually the suggestion of a guy I know that used to do paranormal research - he said he went from fear of the paranormal to general acceptance. However, what if I go from there straight to a rubberized room? What if I do experience something and become even more afraid? At least now I can remain in suspended disbelief. What if it really IS something evil that I shouldn't be messing with anyway. The personal experience I had was pure evil - I have to wonder if it opened me up to a certain sensitivity that I now can't get rid of and it's messed with my entire spiritual existence as a result. Oh wait, there's that fundamentalist indignation. I knew it was somewhere.

Great. I wonder if my therapist would let me bring Ace to an appointment.